Private School Mafia

Public life in the UK is utterly dominated by the privately educated.

Don’t believe me? Check out the list below.

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DISCLAIMER: This is not intended as a list of awful people. Some very good friends of mine were privately educated. So were some of my all-time heroes: people like Rik Mayall, Armando Iannucci and Philip Pullman (to name a few).

But there are an eye-watering number of people on this list who have damaged the UK in some way, restricted your rights, curtailed your horizons, made you poorer and stolen your hopes and dreams. Many of them are, let’s face it, thick as mince and wouldn’t have achieved anything in life had they not been born into money and promoted way beyond their abilities by their old school chums. A disturbing number of them are out-and-out psychopaths, perhaps as a by-product of their oftentimes cruel and unusual schooling.

Private schools pay no tax, they don’t need to be inspected by Ofsted and they are not required to follow the national curriculum. And they create more than their fair share of damaged, yet powerful people.

Whichever way you look at it, the 7% of the population who were privately educated dominate public life in the UK to a truly shocking extent, muscling out the 93% of us (who attended state schools) from politics, the media, showbiz, the arts, elite sports and a truly scandalous number of top jobs.

Just look at the list below.

There exists a well-worn VIP lane for life… for those fortunate enough to be born into it.

NB. Some schools on this list have “Grammar” in their name, but don’t be fooled – they’re fee-paying.

Adam BoultonWestminster SchoolNewscaster
Adam BuxtonWestminster SchoolScreenwriter, Comedian
Adam HensonCheltenham CollegeTV Presenter
Adam HollowayCranleigh SchoolTory MP
Adam MemonThe Grammar School at Leeds55 Tufton Street Scum
Adam RutherfordIpswich SchoolGeneticist
Ade EdmondsonPocklington SchoolComedian
Adetomiwa EdunEtonActor
Adrian NeweyReptonF1 Car Designer
Aidan GillenSt. Vincent's C.B.S.Actor
Aimee Lou WoodCheadle HulmeActor
Alan CarrQuinton House SchoolComedian
Alan DaviesBancroft's SchoolComedian
Alan RusbridgerCranleighGuardian Editor
Alan Whicker (RIP)Haberdashers' Aske's Boys'Travel Presenter
Alastair CampbellBradford GrammarEditor
Alastair StewartSalesian CollegeGBeebies Newsfart
Alex HorneLancing CollegeComedian
Alex LawtherChurcher's CollegeActor
Alex YoungerMarlborough CollegeFormer MI6 Chief
Alexander ArmstrongDurhamTV Presenter
Alexander Fiske-HarrisonEtonWriter
Alexander LarmanWinchester CollegeLiterary Editor of Spectator World, defender of paedophile Eric Gill
Alexander NixEtonFormer CEO of Cambridge Analytica
Alexandra ShulmanSt Paul's Girls' SchoolEditor, Vogue
Alfie AllenWindlesham House SchoolActor
Alfred EnochWestminster SchoolActor
Ali MirajHaberdashers' Aske's Boys' SchoolLBC Presenter
Alice EveBedalesActor
Alice RobertsThe Red Maids' SchoolTV Presenter
Alice ThomsonSchool of St Helen and St KatharineJournalist
Alistair BrownleeBradford Grammar SchoolOympian (Triathalon)
Alistair PottsWinchester CollegeFormer World Champion Cox
Alister JackCrawfordton HouseSecretary of State for Scotland
Allegra StrattonLatymer Upper SchoolFormer Downing Street Press Secretary
Alok SharmaReading Blue Coat SchoolTory MP, COP26 President
Amanda MillingMoreton HallMinister of State for Asia
Amanda SpielmanSt Paul's Girls' SchoolChief Inspector of Ofsted
Amber RuddCheltenham Ladies' CollegeFormer Secretary of State
Amelia GentlemanSt Paul's Girls' SchoolJournalist, Boris Johnson's Sister-in-Law
Anas SarwarHutchesons' Grammar SchoolLeader of the Scottish Labour Party
Andrea RiseboroughNewcastle upon Tyne Church High SchoolActor
Andrew CastleMillfield SchoolLBC Presenter
Andrew GarfieldCity of London Freeman's SchoolActor
Andrew MarrHigh School of DundeeTV Presenter
Andrew MurrayWorth SchoolCorbyn Crony
Andrew NeilPaisley Grammar School (was fee paying)Chairman The Spectator
Andrew Parker BowlesAmpleforth CollegeKing Charles' Custard Cousin
Andrew RT DaviesWycliffe CollegeLeader of the Welsh Conservative Group in the Senedd
Andrew SelousEtonTory MP
Andy SerkisSt Benedict's School, EalingActor
Andy StreetKing Edward's School, BirminghamMayor, West Midlands
Andy WigmoreSacred Heart CollegeBrexit Wanker
Andy WilmoreReptonTV Producer
Anita RaniBradford GrammarTV Presenter
Anne-Marie TrevelyanSt Paul's Girls' SchoolTory MP, Minister of State for Indo-Pacific
Annie NightingaleSt Catherine's School, TwickenhamRadio Presenter
Anthony SeldonTonbridge SchoolEducator and Contemporary Historian
Anthony SmithWinchester CollegeSculptor
Antoinette SandbachHaileybury and Imperial Service CollegeFormer Tory MP, Descendant of Slavers
Antony Worrall ThompsonKing's School, CanterburyShoplifter
Anya Taylor-JoyQueen's Gate SchoolActor
Armando IannucciSt. Aloysius' CollegeScreenwriter, Comedian
Arron BanksCrookham CourtBrexit Wanker
Arthur DarvillBromsgrove SchoolActor
Banksy (Robin Gunningham)Bristol Cathedral School (Fee paying from 1975 to 2008)Graffiti Artist
Barry GardinerHigh School of Glasgow, Haileybury CollegeLabour MP, Corbyn Crony, Brexshitter
Bear GryllsEtonTV Presenter
Ben AinslieTruro SchoolOlympian (Sailing)
Ben AndersonBedford Modern SchoolJornalist, Travel Presenter
Ben EdwardsReigate Grammar SchoolCommentator
Ben FogleBryanstonTV Presenter
Ben GoldacreMagdalen College SchoolDoctor, Author
Ben LovettKing's CollegeKeyboardist, Mumford & Sons
Ben ShephardChigwell SchoolTV Presenter
Ben WallaceMillfield SchoolSecretary of State for Defence
Benedict CumberbatchHarrowActor
Bernard JenkinHighgateTory MP
Bill BaileyKing Edward's School, BathComedian, Musician
Bill CashStonyhurst CollegeTory MP
Bill Turnbull (RIP)EtonTV Presenter
Billie PiperSylvia Young Theatre SchoolSinger, Actress
Bim AfolamiEtonTory MP
Bob SeelyHarrowTory MP
Bob StewartChigwell SchoolTory MP
Bonnie LangfordSt Catherine's School, TwickenhamTV Presenter, Actor
Boris JohnsonEtonDisgraced former Tory MP & PM, Brexshitter-by-convenience, liar, cheat, philanderer, criminal, Russian asset and all-round scumbag
Brandon LewisForest SchoolTory MP
Brian CoxOldham Hulme Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
Brian LevesonLiverpool CollegeJudge
Bronwen MaddoxWestminster SchoolCEO of "Chatham House" Think Tank
Bruce DickinsonOundle SchoolIron Maiden Frontman
Caggie DunlopWellington CollegeReality TV Star
Camilla LongOxford HighTory Presstitute
Camilla Parker-BowlesQueen's Gate SchoolQueen Consort
Camilla TomineySt Albans High School For GirlsLBC Presenter
Cara DelevingneBedalesModel, Actress
Carey MulliganWoldingham SchoolActor
Carl HesterElizabeth CollegeOlympian (Equestrian)
Carol SmillieHutchesons' Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
Caroline AnsellBeresford House SchoolTory MP
Caroline LucasMalvern Girls' CollegeGreen MP
Caroline QuintonTring Park School for the Performing ArtsActor
Carrie JohnsonGodolphin and Latymer SchoolConcubine
Catherine, Princess of WalesMarlborough CollegeFuture Queen Consort
Celia WaldenWestminster SchoolRight wing tabloid hate goblin and wife of Penis Morgan
Charles DunstoneUppingham SchoolEntrepreneur, Co-founder of Carphone Warehouse
Charles EdwardsWinchester CollegeActor
Charles MooreEtonLord Temporal (former Telegraph Editor)
Charles SpencerEtonDiana's Brother
Charlie FalconerGlenalmondArchitect
Charlotte IversDean Close SchoolTimes Journalist
Charlotte MendelsonOxford High SchoolAuthor
Charlotte OwenAlderley Edge School for GirlsUnknown
Charlotte RitchieJames Allen's Girls' SchoolActor
Charlotte SmithLoughborough High SchoolTV Presenter
Chris AddisonManchester Grammar SchoolComedian
Chris HarrisClifton CollegeTV Presenter
Chris HollinsTonbridge SchoolTV Presenter
Chris HoyGeorge Watson's CollegeOlympian (Cycling)
Chris MartinSherborne SchoolSinger Songwriter
Chris MorrisStonyhurst CollegeComedian, Screenwriter
Chris PattenSt Benedict's SchoolFormer Tory MP
Chris WhittyMalvern CollegeChief Medical Officer for England
Christian CandyEpsom CollegeProperty Developer
Christian FraserQueen Elizabeth's Grammar SchoolSenior News Correspondent, BBC News
Christian HornerArnold Lodge SchoolF1 Team Principal
Christopher HopeShrewsbury SchoolJournalist, Chief Political Correspondent for Telegraph
Christopher Lee (RIP)Wellington CollegeActor
Christopher SteeleWellington CollegeFormer Spy
Claire CoutinhoJames Allen's Girls' SchoolSecretary of State for Energy Security and Net Zero
Claire FoyOxford School of DramaActor
Clare BaldingDowne HouseTV Presenter
Claudia WinklemanCity of London School for GirlsTV Presenter
Clemmie MoodieGuildford High SchoolEditor - Showbiz (The Sun)
Cleo WatsonHaberdashers' Monmouth School for GirlsJohnson Advisor, Partygater, Writer of Terrible Erotic Fiction
Clive BullDulwichLBC Presenter
Conor BurnsSt Columba's College, St AlbansTory MP
Constance MartenSt Mary’s ShaftesburyAlleged Baby Killer
Cornelius LysaghtEtonTV Presenter
Cressida DickOxford HighMet Police Commissioner
Crispin OdeyHarrowHedge Fund Manager, Brexit Wanker, Tory Donor, Rumoured Sex Pest
Daisy DonovanSt Paul's Girls' SchoolTV Presenter, Actor
Daisy Edgar-JonesThe Mount School for GirlsActress
Daisy HeadKingswood SchoolActor
Daisy RidleyTring Park School for the Performing ArtsJedi
Damien LewisEtonActor
Dan MazerHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Screenwriter and Director
Dan StevensTonbridgeActor
Daniel BarnettHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'LBC Presenter
Daniel Day-LewisSevenoaks SchoolActor
Daniel FinkelsteinUniversity College SchoolFormer executive editor of The Times
Daniel HannanMarlborough CollegeBrexit Wanker
Daniel KawczynskiSt George's CollegeTory MP, Brexit Wanker
Daniel RadcliffeCity of London SchoolHarry Potter
Daniel SandfordMagdalen College SchoolBBC News Home Affairs Correspondent
Daniel SnowSt Paul's School, LondonTV Presenter
Danny KrugerEtonTory MP
Darius GuppyEtonLowlife, criminal friend of Boris Johnson
Darren HenryRushmoor SchoolTory MP
David BaddielHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Comedian, Author
David CameronEtonFormer PM
David Campbell BannermanBryanston SchoolBrexit Wanker
David DimblebyCharterhouseTV Presenter
David EadesKent CollegeFormer BBC News Presenter
David FrostNottingham High SchoolUnelected Bureaucrat
David MitchellAbingdonTV Presenter
David PannickBancroft's SchoolBarrister
David RossUppingham SchoolEntrepreneur, Co-founder of Carphone Warehouse, Johnson Sugardaddy
David SainsburyEtonSainsbury's Heir, Former Labour Peer
David ShukmanEtonFormer Science Editor, BBC News
David SuchetWellington School, SomersetActor
David WalliamsReigate Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
David WillettsKing Edward's School, BirminghamFormer Tory MP
Deborah TurnessSt Francis' CollegeCEO of BBC News
Denise van OutenSylvia Young Theatre SchoolActor, TV Presenter
Derren BrownWhitgift SchoolIllusionist
Desmond SwayneBedford SchoolConservative MP
Dido HardingLeweston SchoolTrack and Trace Disaster Capitalist
Digby "Pudding" JonesBromsgrove SchoolConservative MP
Dom JolyHaileybury CollegeComedian
Dominic CummingsDurhamFormer Government Advisor
Dominic WestEtonActor
Dorothy KingMalvern St James Girls' SchoolAuthor, Defender of British Imperial Plunder
Douglas Adams (RIP)Brentwood SchoolAuthor
Douglas CarswellCharterhouseBrexshitter
Douglas MurrayEtonNat C Conference Speaker, Apologist for The Nazis
Duncan BakerGreshamsTory MP
Ed BallsNottingham High SchoolFormer Labour MP
Ed ChinaKing Edward's School, WitleyTV Presenter
Ed DaveyYarn SchoolLib Dem Leader
Ed GambleKing's CollegeComedian
Ed SheeranBrandeston Hall Preparatory SchoolSinger Songwriter
Ed WinfieldMill Hill School55 Tufton Street Scum
Eddie GeorgeDulwichFormer Governor of the Bank of England
Eddie IzzardEastbourne CollegeComedian and Marathon Runner
Eddie RedmayneEtonActor
Elize du ToitWellington CollegeActor
Ellie BamberWellington CollegeActor
Ellie RobinsonNorthampton High SchoolParalympian and Author
Emerald FennellMarlborough CollegeActor
Emilia ClarkeRye St Antony SchoolActor
Emily BluntIbstock Place SchoolActor
Emma BarnettManchester High School for GirlsJournalist
Emma CorrinWoldingham SchoolActor
Emma MannersEllerslie School, MalvernDuchess of Rutland
Esmé WrenPortsmouth GrammarEditor (Newsnight)
Ester McVeyBelvedere SchoolTory MP, Former Minister of State for Housing and Planning
Fabian HamiltonBrentwood SchoolLabour MP
Faisal IslamManchester Grammar SchoolJournalist
Femi OluwoleYarn SchoolPolitical Commentator
Ferdinand MountEtonJournalist
Finn HarriesHarrodian SchoolYouTuber
FKA TwigsSt Edward's, CheltenhamSinger Songwriter
Florence PughOxford HighActor
Fran UnsworthSt Dominic's High SchoolDirector of News BBC
Frank LampardBrentwoodEverton Manager
Frank TurnerEtonMusician
Fraser NelsonDollar AcademyTory Presstitute
Freddie Mercury (RIP)St. Peter's School, BombayMusician
Frederick ForsythTonbridge SchoolAuthor
Gaby RoslinKing Alfred'sTV Presenter
Garry GibbonThe John Lyon SchoolJournalist
Geordie GreigEtonEditor (Former Mail on Sunday)
George Alagiah (RIP)St John's CollegeBBC News Presenter
George EusticeTruro Cathedral SchoolTory MP
George MackayThe Harrodian SchoolActor
George MonboitStowe SchoolGuardian Environment Correspondent
George NashWinchester CollegeOlympic Rower
George OsborneSt Paul's School, LondonFormer Chancellor of the Exchequer
George RussellWisbech Grammar SchoolF1 Driver
Ghislaine MaxwellOxford HighConvicted Rape Trafficker
Gideon RachmanSt Paul's School, LondonJournalist
Giles CorenWestminster SchoolTV Presenter
Giles DilnotSt. John's SchoolThink Tank Scum
Giles WatlingForest SchoolTory MP
Gillon Aitken (RIP)CharterhouseLiterary Agent
Gina MillerRoedean Moira SchoolAnti-Brexit Campaigner
Giovanna FletcherSylvia Young Theatre SchoolTV Presenter
Grace BlakeleyLord Wandsworth College"Commentator"
Graham StuartGlenalmond CollegeTory MP, Minister of State for Energy Security and Net Zero
Griff Rhys JonesBrentwood SchoolComedian
Guy RichieStanbridge Earls SchoolFilm Director
Gyles BrandrethBedalesTV Presenter
Harriet HarmanSt Paul's Girls' SchoolLabour MP
Harry ColeTonbridge SchoolToxic Slug
Harry Hadden-PatonEtonActor
Harry JuddUppingham SchoolMusician
Harry LloydEtonActor
Heather StanningGordonstounOlympian (Rowing)
Helen GloverMillfield SchoolOlympian (Rowing)
Helena Bonham CarterSouth Hampstead High SchoolActor
Henry BlofeldEtonRadio Presenter
Henry CavillStowe SchoolActor
Henry ColeEtonTV Presenter
Henry DimblebyEtonWriter, Non-executive board member of the Department for Environment
Henry PorterWellington CollegeJournalist, Author
Holly WilloughbyBurgess Hill GirlsTV Presenter
Howard DaviesManchester Grammar SchoolChair, NatWest Group
Hudson RoeAbbotsholme School55 Tufton Street Scum
Hugh DancyWinchester CollegeActor
Hugh DennisUniversity College SchoolActor
Hugh Fearnley-WhittingstallEtonTV Presenter
Hugh GrantWetherby SchoolActor
Hugh LaurieEtonActor
Hugo TaylorHarrowReality TV Star
Humphrey KerEtonActor
Humza YousafHutchesons' Grammar SchoolFirst Minister of Scotland
Iain GlenEdinburgh AcademyActor
Iain MorrisHampton SchoolWriter, Co-Creator of The Inbetweeners
Iain StewartHutchesons' Grammar SchoolTory MP
Ian DuntPilgrims Preparatory School for BoysAnti-Brexit Journalist
Ian HislopArdingly CollegeEditor, Private Eye
Ian McKellenBolton SchoolActor
Ian OgilvyEtonActor
Ian PayneRadley CollegeLBC Presenter
Imogen PootsLatymer Upper SchoolActor
Isabel HardmanSt Catherine's School, BramleyAssistant Editor of The Spectator
Isabel OakeshottGordonstounTory Presstitute
Ivo GrahamEtonComedian (apparently)
Jack DeeFrensham Heights SchoolComedian
Jack HarriesThe Harrodian SchoolActor
Jack WhitehallMarlborough College"Comedian"
Jacob Rees-MoggEtonTory MP, Brexit Wanker, Idiot's Idea of a Clever Person
Jake BerryLiverpool CollegeTory MP
James Bethell, 5th Baron BethellHarrowHereditary Peer, Born Millionaire, Failer of A-Levels But Did Okay
James BluntHarrowSinger Songwriter
James CleverlyColfe's SchoolTory MP, Foreign Secretary
James ColthurstEtonAristocrat, Radiologist and Friend of Princess Diana
James DelingpoleMalvern CollegeFar Right Presstitute, Climate Change Denier
James DysonGresham's SchoolEntrepreneur
James ForsythWinchester CollegeJournalist, Political Editor of Spectator
James HaskellWellington CollegeRugby Player
James HeappeyQueen Elizabeth's HospitalTory MP, Minister of State for the Armed Forces
James LandaleEtonBBC's Diplomatic Correspondent
James MaxSt Paul's School, LondonTalk Radio Presenter
James MurrayUnknownLabour MP
James O'BrienAmpleforthLBC Presenter
James O'ShaughnessyWellington CollegeTory Peer
James SchneiderWinchester CollegeCorbyn Crony, Co-Founder of Momentum
James WoodEtonLiterary Critic
Jamie Campbell BowerBedalesActor
Jamie CullenGrittleton House SchoolSinger Songwriter
Jan Morris (RIP)Lancing CollegeHistorian
Jay RaynerHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Journalist
Jemma ForteUnknownTV Presenter
Jenna ColemanArnold SchoolActor
Jennie FormbyBath High School for GirlsCorbyn Crony, Former NEC Leader
Jenny AgutterElmhurst Ballet SchoolActor
Jeremy ClarksonReptonTV Presenter
Jeremy CorbynCastle House Prep SchoolFormer Labour Leader
Jeremy DysonGrammar School at LeedsComedian, Screenwriter
Jeremy Heywood (RIP)Bootham SchoolFormer Head of the Home Civil Service
Jeremy HuntCharterhouseChancellor of the Exchequer
Jeremy KyleReading Blue Coat SchoolFormer Peddler of ITV Poverty Porn
Jeremy PaxmanMalvern CollegeTV Presenter
Jeremy QuinSt Albans School, HertfordshireMinister of State in the Home Office
Jeremy VineEpsom CollegeTV Presenter
Jesse NormanEtonTory MP, Minister of State for Decarbonisation and Technology
Jim BroadbentLeighton Park SchoolActor
Jim Field SmithWellington CollegeDirector
Jo CoburnNorth London Collegiate SchoolTV Presenter of Politics Live
Jo JohnsonEtonThe Lord Johnson of Marylebone
Joanna LumleySt Mary's Convent School on the RidgeActor, TV Presenter
Joe CornishWestminster SchoolComedian, Screenwriter
Joe RootWorksop CollegeCricketer
Joe Strummer (RIP)City of London Freemen's SchoolSinger, The Clash
John AdyeLeighton Park SchoolFormer Director of GCHQ
John BaronQueen's College, TauntonTory MP
John CleeseClifton CollegeComedian
John DickieLoughborough Grammar SchoolHistorian
John McDonnellSt Joseph's College, IpswichCorbyn Crony, Labour MP
John Peel (RIP)Shrewsbury SchoolRadio DJ
John PenroseIpswich SchoolTory MP, Former Anti-Corruption Champion, Husband of Dido Harding (qv)
John RyleyEastbourne CollegeFormer Head of Sky News
John SergeantMillfield SchoolTV Presenter
John SimpsonSt Paul's SchoolJournalist
John StandingEtonActor
John SuchetUppingham SchoolTV Presenter
John WitherowBedford SchoolNewspaper Editor (Times)
Johnny VaughanUppingham SchoolTV Presenter
Jon LansmanHighgateCorbyn Crony, Co-Founder of Momentum
Jon MoynihanRatcliffe CollegeLiz Truss’s main fundraiser
Jon SnowSt Edward's School, OxfordC4 News Host
Jonathan BaileyMagdalen College SchoolActor
Jonathan BartleyDulwichFormer Green Party Co-Leader
Jonathan CoeKing Edward's School, BirminghamAuthor
Jonathan GullisPrincethorpe CollegeScreaming Monkey Clown Car
Jonathan MarlandShrewsbury SchoolChairman of the Commonwealth Enterprise and Investment Council
Jonathan MichieUnited World College of the AtlanticEconomist
Jonathan WhitakerBlundell's SchoolDeputy Editor, BBC News
Joseph FiennesLeehurst Swan SchoolActor
Josh O'ConnorSt Edward's, CheltenhamActor
Joss WhedonWinchester CollegeScreenwriter, film director
Joy MorrisseyWorthington Christian High SchoolTory MP
Jude LawAlleyn's SchoolActor
Judi DenchThe Mount SchoolActor
Julia PattersonUnknownAuthor, "Critical"
Julian OvendenEtonActor
Julian SandsLord Wandsworth CollegeActor
Julian SmithMillfield SchoolFormer Chief Whip
Juno TempleBedalesActor
Justin WelbyEtonArchbishop of Canterbury
Karl McCartneyBirkenhead SchoolTory MP
Kate AndrewsGreens Farms Academy (USA)Economics Editor, The Spectator
Kate BeckinsaleGodolphin and LatymerActor
Kate BinghamSt Paul's Girls' SchoolChair, UK Government's Vaccine Taskforce
Kate HumbleAbbey SchoolTV Presenter
Kate WinsletRedroofs Theatre SchoolActor
Katherine CopelandYarm SchoolOlympian (Rowing)
Katie HopkinsStella Maris Convent schoolCelebrity Racist
Katie RazzallWestminster SchoolJournalist (Newsnight)
Katya AdlerSouth Hampstead High SchoolBBC News Europe Correspondent
Kaye AdamsSt George's School, EdinburghPresenter, Terrible Dancer
Keir StarmerReigate Grammar School (became private while he was there)Leader of the Opposition
Kelvin MacKenzieAlleyn's SchoolWorld's Biggest C*nt
Kemi BadenochInternational School University of LagosTory MP, Secretary of State for Business and Trade
Ken BruceHutchesons' Grammar SchoolRadio 2 Presenter
King Charles IIIGordonstounKing
Kirstie AllsoppBedalesTV Presenter
Kirsty GallacherSt George's SchoolTV Presenter
Kirsty WarkWellington School, AyrJournalist (Newsnight)
Kit MalthouseLiverpool CollegeTory MP
Kit YoungAbingdonActor
Krishnan Guru-MurthyQueen Elizabeth's Grammar SchoolLead Presenter, Channel 4 News
Kwasi KwartengEtonFormer Chancellor of the Exchequer (The Worst Ever)
Lance FormanHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Brexit Wanker
Lando NorrisMillfield SchoolF1 Driver
Lara WildenbergEpsom CollegeTimes journalist
Larry ElliottSt AlbansBrexit-Loving Economics Editor, Guardian
Laura KuenssbergLaurel BankBBC Political Editor
Laura LopesSt Mary’s ShaftesburyArt Curator
Laura LopesSt Mary's ShaftesburyArt Curator
Laura TomlinsonSt Marys CalneOlympian (Equestrian)
Laurence FoxHarrowFormer Husband of Billie Piper
Laurie MagnusEtonIndependent Adviser on Ministers' Interests
Layla MoranRoedeanLib Dem MP
Lily AllenBedalesSinger Songwriter
Lily JamesTring Park School for the Performing ArtsActor
Louis TherouxWestminster SchoolTV Presenter
Louise MenschWoldingham SchoolFormer Tory MP
Louise MinchinSt Mary's School, AscotTV Presenter
Louise ThompsonDowne HouseReality TV Star
Lucy PunchGodolphin and Latymer SchoolActor
Lucy WorsleyAbbey SchoolTV Presenter
Luke NarrawayKing's School, WorcesterRugby Player
Marcus BrigstockeKing's School, BrutonComedian
Marcus FyshWinchester CollegeTory MP, Brexit Wanker
Marcus MumfordKing's CollegeSinger, Mumford & Sons
Marianna SpringSutton High School, LondonBBC Disinformation Correspondent
Marina WheelerBedalesBoris Johnson's 2nd Wife
Mark DolanUniversity College SchoolPresenter
Mark Featherstone-WittyWellington CollegeCo-founder of LIPA and the BRIT School
Mark KermodeHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Film Critic
Mark RylanceUniversity School of MilwaukeeActor
Mark UrbanRokeby Preparatory SchoolTV Presenter
Mark WallaceRoyal Grammar School, NewcastleChief Executive of ConservativeHome
Mark WatsonBristol Grammar SchoolComedian
Martha FiennesSt Mary’s ShaftesburyDirector, Writer and Producer
Martha KearneyGeorge Watson's Ladies CollegePosh BBC4 bee lady
Martha Lane FoxOxford HighEntrepreneur
Martin FletcherUppingham SchoolJournalist
Martin LewisKing's School, ChesterJournalist, Money Saving Expert
Martin ReynoldsMagdalen College SchoolPrincipal Private Secretary to the Prime Minister
Martin TylerRoyal Grammar School, GuildfordFootball Commentator
Maryam MoshiriStreatham and Clapham HighBBC News Presenter
Matt AllwrightReading Blue Coat SchoolTV Presenter
Matt FreiWestminster SchoolLBC Presenter
Matt HancockKing's School, ChesterTory MP
Matt LucasHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Comedian
Matt RidleyEtonFormer Northern Rock Chair
Matt WarmanHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Tory MP
Matthew AmroliwalaKing's School, ElyBBC News Presenter
Matthew ElliottLeeds Grammar SchoolBrexit Wanker
Matthew GoodeExeterActor
Matthew MacfadyenOakham SchoolActor
Matthew ParrisWaterford Kamhlaba United World College of Southern AfricaTory Wanker
Matthew StadlenSt Paul's School, LondonLBC Presenter
Max EvansWellington CollegeRugby Player
Max HastingsCharterhouseJournalist
Mel GiedroycOxford HighTV Presenter
Melanie DawesMalvern Girls' CollegeChief Executive of Ofcom
Melanie PhillipsPutney High SchoolJournalist
Michael EllisWellingboroughAttorney General
Michael GoveRobert Gordon's CollegeFormer Secretary of State
Michael GradeSt Dunstan's CollegeChairman of Ofcom
Michael MacIntyreArnold House School"Comedian"
Michael PalinBirkdaleActor, TV Presenter
Michael PortilloHarrow County School for BoysFormer Government Minister, Travel Presenter
Michael SpencerWorth SchoolMassive Tory donor, rewarded with peerage
Michael TomlinsonHereford Cathedral SchoolSolicitor General
Michael Young (Desc.)Dartington HallFather of Toby Young, Phone Call Maker to Oxford To Get His Idiot Child into Brasenose
Michaela StrachanClaremont Fan Court SchoolTV Presenter
Mike ParryThe King's SchoolProfessional Gammon
Miles JuppOakham SchoolComedian
Mimi WebbKent CollegeSinger Songwriter
Miranda HartDowne HouseActor
Mishal HusainCobham HallJournalist
Monty DomMalvern CollegeTV Presenter
Morgan LakeWellington CollegeOlympic Athlete
Morgana RobinsonBenenden SchoolComedian
Nadhim ZahawiKing's CollegeTory MP, Tax Dodger
Natalia TenaBedalesActor
Natalie BennettMethodist Ladies' CollegeFormer Green Party Co-Leader
Natalie DormerReading Blue Coat SchoolActor
Natalie EvansRockportLeader of the House of Lords
Nathalie EmmanuelSt Hilda's SchoolActor
Navendu MishraClifton CollegeLabour MP
Neil GaimanWhitgift SchoolAuthor
Niall FergusonThe Glasgow AcademyHistorian
Nicholas ColeridgeEtonManaging Director of Conde Nast UK
Nicholas SoamesEtonFormer Tory MP
Nicholas TrueNottingham High SchoolLord Privy Seal, and Leader of the House of Lords
Nick AbbotGeorge Heriot's SchoolLBC Presenter
Nick BolesWinchester CollegeFormer Minister of State for Skills
Nick CandyEpsom CollegeProperty Developer, Tory Donor, Tory HQ Lockdown Party Goer
Nick CarterWinchester CollegeFormer Chief of the Defence Staff
Nick CleggWestminster SchoolFormer Lib Dem Leader
Nick FerrariEltham CollegeLBC Presenter
Nick HerbertHaileybury CollegeTory MP
Nick RobinsonCheadle HulmeFormer BBC Political Editor
Nick SkeltonBablake SchoolOlympian (Equestrian)
Nicky CampbellEdinburgh AcademyTV Presenter
Nigel BiggarMonkton Combe SchoolApologist for Empire, Denier of Genocide
Nigel FarageDulwichBollock-Faced Foghorn of Ignorance
Nigel PlanerWestminster SchoolComedian, Actor
Nigella LawsonQueen's Gate SchoolTV Presenter, Chef
Norman Cook (Fatboy Slim)Reigate Grammar SchoolMusician
Oli DugmoreUnknownPresenter, Politics Joe
Oliver ProudlockEtonReality TV Star
Olivia ColmanNorwich High School for GirlsActor
Olivia HallinanSt Catherine's School, TwickenhamActor
Olly RobbinsColfe's SchoolFormer Senior Civil Servant (Brexit Negotiator)
Oona ChaplinGordonstoun SchoolActor
Orlando BloomSt Edmund's School CanterburyActor
Owen PatersonRadley CollegeDisgraced Former Tory MP, Brexit Wanker
Patrick MinfordWinchester CollegeBrexit "Economist"
Patsy KensitSt Catherine's School, TwickenhamActor
Paul DacreUniversity College SchoolFormer Daily Mail Editor
Paul MarshallMerchant Taylors' School, NorthwoodDisaster Capitalist
Paul ScullyBedford SchoolTory MP, Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Tech and the Digital Economy
Paula VennellsManchester High School for GirlsDisgraced Former CEO of Post Office
Peter BradshawHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Film Critic
Peter FrankopanEtonHistorian
Peter HitchensLeysChristopher's Annoying Little Brother
Peter OborneSherborne SchoolJournalist
Peter SnowWellington CollegeTV Presenter
Peter WilsonMillfield SchoolOlympian (Shooting)
Petronella WyattSt Paul's Girls' SchoolFormer Johnson "Bit On The Side"
Phil SpencerUppingham SchoolTV Presenter
Philip GreenCarmel CollegeTax Avoider, Pension Fund Raider
Philip PullmanTaverham Hall SchoolAuthor
Phoebe DynevorCheadle HulmeActor
Phoebe Waller-BridgeSt Augustine's Priory, EalingWriter, Actor
Piers CorbynCastle House Prep SchoolCretin
Piers MorganUniversity College SchoolTV Presenter, Former Mirror Editor
Polly ToynbeeBadminton SchoolGuardian columnist
Poppy DelevingneBedalesModel
Prince AndrewGordonstounSweaty Nonce
Prince EdwardGordonstounRoyal
Prince GeorgeLambrookHeir To The Throne
Prince HarryEtonRoyal
Prince LouisLambrookRoyal
Prince Philip (RIP)GordonstounFormer Prince Consort
Prince WilliamEtonHeir To The Throne
Princess AnneBenenden SchoolRoyal
Princess CharlotteLambrookRoyal
Princess EugenieMarlborough CollegeRoyal
Quentin LettsThe Elms SchoolColumnist for the Daily Heil
Rachel JohnsonSt Paul's Girls' SchoolLBC Presenter
Rachel RileyThorpe Hall SchoolTV Presenter
Ralph FiennesNewtown SchoolActor
Ranulph FiennesEtonExplorer
Ranvir SinghKirkham Grammar SchoolPresenter, Good Morning Britain
Ray MearsReigate Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
Rebecca HallRoedeanActor
Richard AyoadeSt Joseph's CollegeComedian
Richard BaconWorksop CollegeTV Presenter
Richard BransonStowe SchoolEntrepreneur
Richard CurtisHarrowScreenwriter
Richard DawkinsOundle SchoolEvolutionary Biologist
Richard DraxHarrowTory MP
Richard HammondSolihull SchoolTV Presenter
Richard MooreSt George's CollegeHead of Mi6
Richard SharpMerchant Taylors' School, NorthwoodBBC Chairman
Richard SpurrNottingham High SchoolLBC Presenter
Richard TiceUppingham SchoolBrexit Wanker
Rik Mayall (RIP)King's School, WorcesterComedy Legend
Rishi SunakWinchester CollegePrime Minister
Roald Dahl (RIP)St Peter's, Weston-super-MareAuthor
Robbie Coltrane (RIP)Glenalmond CollegeActor and Comedian (NB he hated private schools)
Robert BucklandSt Michael's School, LlanelliSecretary of State for Wales
Robert JenrickWolverhampton Grammar SchoolTory MP, Minister of State for Immigration
Robert LaurensonSevenoaks SchoolCo-chair UK JDC at the BMA
Robert PattinsonThe Harrodian SchoolActor
Robert SwanSedbergh SchoolExplorer
Robert WinstonSt Paul's School, LondonScientist, TV Presenter, Labour Peer
Robin WalkerSt Paul's School, LondonTory MP
Rocco ForteDownside SchoolHotelier
Roger TaylorTruro SchoolMusician
Roland RuddMillfield SchoolSaboteur, People's Vote
Romesh RanganathanReigate Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
Rory BremnerWellington CollegeImpressionist
Rory Cellan-JonesDulwich CollegeNews Presenter
Ros AtkinsTruro SchoolJournalist
Rosamund PikeBadminton SchoolActor
Rose LeslieMillfield SchoolActor
Rowan AtkinsonChorister SchoolActor, Comedian
Rupert SoamesEtonCEO, Serco
Russell BrandItalia Conti AcademyCelebrity Sexual Predator (Allegedly)
Ruth WilsonNotre Dame SchoolActor
Sacha Baron CohenHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Comedian
Sally PhillipsWycombe Abbey SchoolTV Presenter
Sam MendesMagdalen College SchoolFilm and Stage Director
Samira AhmedWimbledon High SchoolJournalist
Sandi ToksvigTormead SchoolTV Presenter
Sarah BeanyLuckley House SchoolTV Presenter
Sarah MontagueBlanchelande CollegeJournalist
Sathnam SangheraWolverhampton Grammar SchoolJournalist, Author of "Empireland"
Sean FletcherFelsted SchoolTV Presenter
Sebastian FaulksWellington CollegeAuthor
Sebastian PayneDame Allan's SchoolRight Wing Hack, Think-Tank Numpty
Seumas MilneWinchester CollegeCorbyn Crony
Sherelle JacobsSt Paul's Girls' SchoolJournalist
Simon BirdRoyal Grammar School, GuildfordInbetweener
Simon CaseBristol Grammar SchoolHead of the Home Civil Service
Simon ClarkeRed House SchoolTory MP
Simon CowellDover CollegeTV Presenter
Simon HartRadley CollegeTory MP
Simon JackMerchant Taylors' Boys' School, CrosbyBBC Business Editor
Simon MayoSolihull SchoolRadio Presenter
Simon McCoySherborne SchoolGBeebies Bell-End
Simon Pegg (yes, really)The King's School, GloucesterComedy Legend
Simon SchamaHaberdashers' Aske's Boys' SchoolHistorian
Simon ThompsonManchester Grammar SchoolCEO of Royal Mail and misleader of Parliament
Simon WolfsonRadley CollegeBrexit Wanker, Tory Peer, Chief Executive of Next
Sophie HoskingKingston Grammar SchoolOlympian (Rowing)
Sophie HunterSt Paul's Girls' SchoolPlaywright
Sophie KinsellaSt Mary’s ShaftesburyAuthor
Sophie RaworthSt Paul's Girls' SchoolJournalist
Sophie TurnerKing's High School for GirlsActor
Spencer MatthewsEtonReality TV Star
Stanley JohnsonSherborne SchoolCelebrity Wife Beater
Stella RimingtonNottingham High School for GirlsFormer Head of MI5
Stephen FryUppingham SchoolActor, TV Presenter
Stephen PoliakoffWestminster SchoolScreenwriter
Steve PuntWhitgift SchoolComedian
Steven BarclayKing Edward VII SchoolTory MP, Brexit Wanker, Covidiot
Stig AbellLoughborough Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
Sue PerkinsCroham Hurst SchoolTV Presenter
Suella BravermanHeathfield SchoolHome Secretary, professional ladder kicker, evil personified
Susan Williams, Baroness Williams of TraffordLa Sagesse SchoolCaptain of the Honourable Corps of Gentlemen-at-Arms (Lords Chief Whip)
Susanna ReidCroydon High SchoolTV Presenter
Susie DentThe Marist SchoolTV Presenter
Talulah RileyCheltenham Ladies' CollegeActor
Tamara BeckwithCheltenham Ladies' CollegeSocialite
Tamsin OmondWestminster SchoolGreen Politician
Tanya ReynoldsOxford School of DramaActor
Tara Palmer-Tomkinson (RIP)Sherborne School for GirlsSocialite
Teddy Goldsmith (RIP)Millfield SchoolCo-Founder of the Green Party
Thangam DebbonaireChetham's School of MusicShadow Leader of the House of Commons
Theresa MaySt Juliana'sFormer PM
Theresa VilliersFrancis Holland SchoolTory MP
Thérèse CoffeySt Mary's College, CrosbySecretary of State for Health and Social Care and Deputy Prime Minister
Thom EvansWellington CollegeRugby Player
Thomas GalbraithWellington CollegeFormer Leader of the House of Lords
Tilda SwintonWest Heath Girls' SchoolActor
Tim DavieWhitgift SchoolDirector General BBC
Tim MartinCampbell CollegeEntrepreneur
Tim VineEpsom CollegeComedian
Tim WestwoodNorwich SchoolDJ, Alleged Sex Offender
Tim WillcoxTaunton SchoolFormer BBC News Presenter
Toby JonesAbingdonActor
Toby WallaceCaulfield Grammar SchoolActor
Tom BradbySherborne SchoolJournalist
Tom FletcherSylvia Young Theatre SchoolSinger Songwriter
Tom HardyReed's SchoolActor
Tom HarwoodThe Perse SchoolTory Presstitute
Tom HeapOakham SchoolTV Presenter
Tom HiddlestonEtonActor
Tom HollanderAbingdonActor
Tom HuntKing's School, ElyTory MP, Covidiot
Tom JamesThe King's School, ChesterOlympian (Rowing)
Tom Newton DunnMarlborough CollegeTory Presstitute
Tom Parker BowlesEtonFood Critic
Tom ScholarDulwichFormer Permanent Secretary to the Treasury
Tom SturridgeThe Harrodian SchoolActor
Tom SwarbrickAbingdonLBC Presenter
Tom TugendhatSt Paul's School, LondonTory MP, Minister of State for Security
Tony BlairFettes CollegeFormer Labour PM
Tracey MacLeodIpswitch High SchoolJournalist
Trisha GoddardSir William Perkins's SchoolTV Presenter
Vanessa FeltzHaberdashers' Aske's School for GirlsTV Presenter
Vanessa KirbyLady Eleanor Holles SchoolActor
Vicky FordSt Paul's Girls' SchoolTory MP
Victoria AtkinsArnold SchoolFinancial Secretary to the Treasury
Victoria CorenSt Paul's Girls' SchoolBBC Presenter
Victoria DerbyshireBury Grammar School for GirlsTV Presenter
Victoria PrentisMalvern St James Girls' SchoolTory MP, Attorney General for England and Wales
Will PoulterThe Harrodian SchoolActor
Will SelfUniversity College SchoolNovelist
Will YoungWellington CollegeSinger Songwriter
William DalrympleAmpleforthAuthor
William ShawcrossEtonCommissioner for Public Appointments
William SitwellEtonEditor
Winston MarshallSt Paul's School, LondonBanjoist, Mumford & Sons
Yannis PhilippakisMagdalen College SchoolSinger, Foals
YungunEtonHip-hop Artist
Zac GoldsmithEtonFormer Tory MP, Disgraced Peer
Zack PolanskiStockport Grammar SchoolDeputy Leader, Green Party
Zoe WilliamsGodolphin and Latymer SchoolGuardian Columnist

Further Reading

List compiled by Graham Hughes and friends.
Let us know any mistakes or omissions via The Demonic Bird App.