Private School Mafia

Public life in the UK is utterly dominated by the privately educated.

Don’t believe me? Check out the list below.

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This is not intended as a list of awful people. Some very good friends of mine were privately educated. So were some of my all-time heroes: people like Rik Mayall, Ade Edmondson, Simon Pegg, Stewart Lee, Sacha Baron Cohen, Armando Iannucci, Douglas Adams, Philip Pullman, Neil Gaiman, Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders.

But this desperately needs pointing out: privately educated children are NINETY-FOUR times more likely to reach the British elite than those of us who were educated in state schools[1]

That’s why more than half of the hosts on LBC were privately educated. It’s why the only Newsnight presenter in over 40 years to be state educated was Emily Matlis.

It’s why you can watch British TV for an entire day and not see a single comprehensive educated Brit with a major part in a drama, cracking jokes on panel shows, travelling around the world with a camera crew, reading the news, making the news (unless it’s for doing something awful) or making speeches in Parliament.

There are also a disturbing number of people on this list who have damaged the UK in some way, restricted your rights, curtailed your horizons, made you poorer and/or stolen your hopes and dreams.

While many of the 1,000+ people on this list are undoubtedly talented, there are a shed-load who are, quite frankly, thick as mince and wouldn’t have achieved anything in life had they not been promoted way beyond their abilities by their old school chums.

These titans of mediocrity, who came of age in these often brutal and unforgiving environments, together with their (perhaps more talented) peers who had all their empathy bullied or beaten out of them as children, are arguably the reason the UK is in the state is in. 

Pretty much all the “top” Brexshitters attended private school.

Things were getting better in the second half of the 20th century. For instance, from 1964 to 1997 all of our Prime Ministers were state educated. But in the 27 years since then, we’ve been under a private school PM for 24 of them. Currently, every single leader of a major political party in Great Britain, with the exception of Plaid Cymru, attended a private school. Unless you’re both ludicrously talented and/or ludicrously lucky, social mobility in this country is all-but dead.

The UK has about 2,600 private schools, some for-profit and some charitable. They are currently all exempt from VAT. Additionally 1,300 schools with charitable status pay no corporation tax, capital gains tax, or stamp duty and they also benefit from inheritance tax relief, and Gift Aid on donations as well.

Private schools don’t need to be inspected by Ofsted, and they are not required to follow the national curriculum. Children who attend private schools are statistically more likely to be abused, more likely to be bullied, and more likely to engage in risky behaviour… especially when it’s not their own money on the line.[2]

Whichever way you look at it, the 7% of the population who were privately educated dominate public life in the UK to a truly shocking extent, muscling out the 93% of us who attended state schools; from politics, the media, showbiz, the arts, elite sports and a truly scandalous number of top jobs.

People who attended private school often claim that their private education had little to do with their subsequent success in life: they’re just smarter, more daring, they work harder, they’re just “more talented all round” than the rest of us.

I would encourage you to scroll through the list below and draw your own conclusions.

Graham Hughes,
March 2024

"They mean, of course, people born three-nil up who think they scored a hat-trick..."

The List

NB. Some schools on this list have “Grammar” in their name, but don’t be fooled – they’re fee-paying.

Aaron BellEpiscopal High School (Alexandria, Virginia)Tory MP
Abigail ThornRoyal Grammar SchoolActor
Adam BoultonWestminster SchoolNewscaster
Adam BuxtonWestminster SchoolScreenwriter, Comedian
Adam CurtisSevenoaks SchoolFilmmaker
Adam HensonCheltenham CollegeTV Presenter
Adam HollowayCranleigh SchoolTory MP
Adam MemonThe Grammar School at Leeds55 Tufton Street Scum
Adam RutherfordIpswich SchoolGeneticist
Ade EdmondsonPocklington SchoolComedian
Adele RobertsMerchant Taylors' Girls' SchoolBBC Sport Presenter
Adetomiwa EdunEtonActor
Adrian NeweyReptonF1 Car Designer
Aidan GillenSt. Vincent's C.B.S.Actor
Aimee Lou WoodCheadle HulmeActor
Al MurrayBedford SchoolComedian, "Pub Landlord"
Alain de BottonHarrowAuthor
Alan CarrQuinton House SchoolComedian
Alan DaviesBancroft's SchoolComedian
Alan RusbridgerCranleighGuardian Editor
Alan Whicker (RIP)Haberdashers' Aske's Boys'Travel Presenter
Alan YentobKing's ElyTV Executive, Producer and Presenter
Alastair CampbellBradford GrammarEditor
Alastair GoodladMarlborough CollegeFormer Tory MP and High Commissioner to Australia
Alastair StewartSalesian CollegeGBeebies Newsfart
Alec DankworthBedford SchoolMusician
Alex ChalkWinchester SchoolCon MP
Alex DennyKing's School, MacclesfieldProfessional Footballer at Everton FC
Alex HorneLancing CollegeComedian
Alex LawtherChurcher's CollegeActor
Alex PatersonKingham Hill SchoolMusician, The Orb
Alex YoungerMarlborough CollegeFormer MI6 Chief
Alexander ArmstrongDurhamTV Presenter
Alexander Fiske-HarrisonEtonWriter
Alexander LarmanWinchester CollegeLiterary Editor of Spectator World, defender of paedophile Eric Gill
Alexander NixEtonFormer CEO of Cambridge Analytica
Alexandra ShulmanSt Paul's Girls' SchoolEditor, Vogue
Alexandra TolstoyDowne House SchoolAdventurer, Broadcaster
Alfie AllenWindlesham House SchoolActor
Alfred EnochWestminster SchoolActor
Ali MirajHaberdashers' Aske's Boys' SchoolLBC Presenter
Alice EveBedalesActor
Alice RobertsThe Red Maids' SchoolTV Presenter
Alice ThomsonSchool of St Helen and St KatharineJournalist
Alison OliverScoil MhuireActor
Alison RussellWellington School, AyrHigh Court Judge
Alistair BrownleeBradford Grammar SchoolOympian (Triathalon)
Alistair PottsWinchester CollegeFormer World Champion Cox
Alister JackCrawfordton HouseTory MP, Secretary of State for Scotland
Allegra StrattonLatymer Upper SchoolFormer Downing Street Press Secretary
Alok SharmaReading Blue Coat SchoolTory MP, COP26 President
Amanda MillingMoreton HallTory MP, Minister of State for Asia
Amanda PlatellPenrhos CollegeDaily Hate Ghoul
Amanda SpielmanSt Paul's Girls' SchoolChief Inspector of Ofsted
Amanda TipplesRoedean SchoolHigh Court Judge
Amanda YipMerchant Taylors' Girls' SchoolHigh Court Judge
Amber RuddCheltenham Ladies' CollegeFormer Tory MP, Former Secretary of State
Amelia GentlemanSt Paul's Girls' SchoolJournalist, Boris Johnson's Sister-in-Law
Anas SarwarHutchesons' Grammar SchoolLeader of the Scottish Labour Party
Andi PetersEmanuel SchoolTV Presenter and Producer
Andrea RiseboroughNewcastle upon Tyne Church High SchoolActor
Andrew AdonisKingham Hill SchoolFormer Labour MP, Labour Peer
Andrew CastleMillfield SchoolLBC Presenter
Andrew GarfieldCity of London Freeman's SchoolActor
Andrew MarrHigh School of DundeeTV Presenter
Andrew MurrayWorth SchoolCorbyn Crony
Andrew NeilPaisley Grammar School (was fee paying)Chairman The Spectator
Andrew Parker BowlesAmpleforth CollegeKing Charles' Custard Cousin
Andrew RT DaviesWycliffe CollegeLeader of the Welsh Conservative Group in the Senedd
Andrew SelousEtonTory MP
Andy BirdKing's School, MacclesfieldChairman, Walt Disney International
Andy SerkisSt Benedict's School, EalingActor
Andy StreetKing Edward's School, BirminghamMayor, West Midlands
Andy WigmoreSacred Heart CollegeBrexit Wanker
Andy WilmoreReptonTV Producer
Andy YorkeAbingdon SchoolMusician
Andy ZaltzmanTonbridge SchoolStand-Up Comedian
Anita RaniBradford GrammarTV Presenter
Anne-Marie TrevelyanSt Paul's Girls' SchoolTory MP, Minister of State for Indo-Pacific
Annie Nightingale (RIP)St Catherine's School, TwickenhamRadio Presenter
Anthony BamfordAmpleforthJCBastard
Anthony BrowneThe Perse SchoolCon MP
Anthony Crosland (desc.)Highgate SchoolLabour Minister, Responsible for Introducing Comprehensives
Anthony DanielsGiggleswick SchoolActor - C3PO
Anthony InglisMarlborough CollegeConductor
Anthony SeldonTonbridge SchoolEducator and Contemporary Historian
Anthony SmithWinchester CollegeSculptor
Antoinette SandbachHaileybury and Imperial Service CollegeFormer Tory MP, Descendant of Slavers
Antony Worrall ThompsonKing's School, CanterburyShoplifter
Anya Taylor-JoyQueen's Gate SchoolActor
Armando IannucciSt. Aloysius' CollegeScreenwriter, Comedian
Arron BanksCrookham CourtBrexit Wanker
Arthur DarvillBromsgrove SchoolActor
Banksy (Robin Gunningham)Bristol Cathedral School (Fee paying from 1975 to 2008)Graffiti Artist
Barry GardinerHigh School of Glasgow, Haileybury CollegeLabour MP, Corbyn Crony, Brexshitter
Bear GryllsEtonTV Presenter
Beattie EdmondsonExeter SchoolActor and Comedian
Bella WallersteinerStowe SchoolLover of Capitalism
Ben AinslieTruro SchoolOlympian (Sailing)
Ben AndersonBedford Modern SchoolJornalist, Travel Presenter
Ben EdwardsReigate Grammar SchoolCommentator
Ben FogleBryanstonTV Presenter
Ben GoldacreMagdalen College SchoolDoctor, Author
Ben LovettKing's CollegeKeyboardist, Mumford & Sons
Ben ShephardChigwell SchoolTV Presenter
Ben WallaceMillfield SchoolSecretary of State for Defence
Benedict AllenBradford CollegeExplorer
Benedict CumberbatchHarrowActor
Bernard JenkinHighgateTory MP
Bertie CarvelUniversity College SchoolActor
Beryl BainbridgeMerchant Taylors' Girls' SchoolNovelist
Beverley LangWycombe Abbey SchoolHigh Court Judge
Bill BaileyKing Edward's School, BathComedian, Musician
Bill BrufordTonbridge SchoolMusician
Bill CashStonyhurst CollegeTory MP
Bill Newton DunnMarlborough CollegeFormer Tory and then Lib Dem MEP
Bill OddieKing Edward's School, Birmingham
Bill Turnbull (RIP)EtonTV Presenter
Billie PiperSylvia Young Theatre SchoolSinger, Actor
Bim AfolamiEtonTory MP
Blair DunlopRepton SchoolMusician
Bob SeelyHarrowTory MP
Bob StewartChigwell SchoolFormer Tory MP, Convicted Criminal
Bonnie LangfordSt Catherine's School, TwickenhamTV Presenter, Actor
Boris JohnsonEtonDisgraced former Tory MP & PM, Brexshitter-by-convenience, liar, cheat, philanderer, criminal, Russian asset and all-round scumbag
Brandon LewisForest SchoolTory MP
Brian CoxOldham Hulme Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
Brian LevesonLiverpool CollegeJudge
Brian MayHampton SchoolMusician
Bronwen MaddoxWestminster SchoolCEO of "Chatham House" Think Tank
Bruce DickinsonOundle SchoolIron Maiden Frontman, Brexshitter
Caggie DunlopWellington CollegeReality TV Star
Camilla LongOxford High SchoolTory Presstitute
Camilla Parker-BowlesQueen's Gate SchoolQueen Consort
Camilla TomineySt Albans High School For GirlsLBC Presenter
Cara DelevingneBedalesModel, Actor
Carey MulliganWoldingham SchoolActor
Carl HesterElizabeth CollegeOlympian (Equestrian)
Carol SmillieHutchesons' Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
Caroline AnsellBeresford House SchoolTory MP
Caroline JohnsonGordonstounTory MP
Caroline LucasMalvern Girls' CollegeGreen MP
Caroline QuintonTring Park School for the Performing ArtsActor
Carrie JohnsonGodolphin and Latymer SchoolConcubine
Cary ElwesHarrowActor and Writer
Cassia Peaches JohnsonHighgate SchoolBoris Johnson's Daughter
Catherine, Princess of WalesMarlborough CollegeFuture Queen Consort
Celia WaldenWestminster SchoolRight wing tabloid hate goblin and wife of Penis Morgan
Charles BannerKing Edward's SchoolBarrister, Tory Peer
Charles BourneUniversity College SchoolHigh Court Judge
Charles DunstoneUppingham SchoolEntrepreneur, Co-founder of Carphone Warehouse
Charles EdwardsWinchester CollegeActor
Charles MooreEtonLord Temporal (former Telegraph Editor)
Charles SpencerEtonDiana's Brother
Charles WigginMonmouth School for BoysRower
Charlie ElphickeFelsted SchoolBrexshitter, Former Tory MP, Convicted Sex Offender
Charlie FalconerGlenalmondArchitect
Charlie StaytKing's School, GloucesterJournalist/Broadcaster
Charlotte HigginsUnknownGuardian’s Chief Culture Writer
Charlotte IversDean Close SchoolTimes Journalist
Charlotte MendelsonOxford High SchoolAuthor
Charlotte OwenAlderley Edge School for GirlsUnknown
Charlotte RitchieJames Allen's Girls' SchoolActor
Charlotte SmithLoughborough High SchoolTV Presenter
Chris AddisonManchester Grammar SchoolComedian
Chris BryantCheltenham CollegeLabour MP
Chris de BurghMarlborough CollegeSinger
Chris Eubank JrShoreham Grammar SchoolBoxer
Chris HarrisClifton CollegeTV Presenter
Chris HollinsTonbridge SchoolTV Presenter
Chris HoyGeorge Watson's CollegeOlympian (Cycling)
Chris MartinSherborne SchoolSinger Songwriter
Chris MorrisStonyhurst CollegeComedian, Screenwriter
Chris PattenSt Benedict's SchoolFormer Tory MP
Chris SkidmoreBristol Grammar SchoolFormer Tory MP
Chris TarrantKing's School, WorcesterTV/Radio Broadcaster
Chris WhittyMalvern CollegeChief Medical Officer for England
Chrisopher NolanHaileybury and Imperial Service CollegeDirector
Christian CandyEpsom CollegeProperty Developer
Christian FraserQueen Elizabeth's Grammar SchoolSenior News Correspondent, BBC News
Christian HornerArnold Lodge SchoolF1 Team Principal
Christina LambertCentral Newcastle High School for GirlsHigh Court Judge
Christopher ButcherCharterhouse SchoolHigh Court Judge
Christopher ChopeMarlborough CollegeTory MP, Champion of Sex Pests and Nonces
Christopher HopeShrewsbury SchoolJournalist, Chief Political Correspondent for Telegraph
Christopher Lee (RIP)Wellington CollegeActor
Christopher MoncktonHarrowTory, Ukipper, Brexshitter, Climate Change Denier, Peer
Christopher SteeleWellington CollegeFormer Spy
Cillian MurphyPresentation Brothers CollegeActor
Claire CoutinhoJames Allen's Girls' SchoolTory MP, Secretary of State for Energy Security and Net Zero
Claire FoyOxford School of DramaActor
Clare BaldingDowne House SchoolTV Presenter
Claudia WinklemanCity of London School for GirlsTV Presenter
Clemmie MoodieGuildford High SchoolEditor - Showbiz (The Sun)
Cleo WatsonHaberdashers' Monmouth School for GirlsJohnson Advisor, Partygater, Writer of Terrible Erotic Fiction
Clive BullDulwich CollegeLBC Presenter
Clive FreedmanManchester Grammar SchoolHigh Court Judge
Clive MantleKimbolton SchoolActor
Conor BurnsSt Columba's College, St AlbansTory MP
Constance MartenSt Mary’s ShaftesburyAlleged Baby Killer
Cornelius LysaghtEtonTV Presenter
Cressida DickOxford High SchoolMet Police Commissioner
Crispian Steele-PerkinsMarlborough CollegeClassical Trumpeter
Crispin BluntWellington CollegeTory MP
Crispin OdeyHarrowHedge Fund Manager, Brexit Wanker, Tory Donor, Rumoured Sex Pest
Daisy DonovanSt Paul's Girls' SchoolTV Presenter, Actor
Daisy Edgar-JonesThe Mount School for GirlsActor
Daisy HeadKingswood SchoolActor
Daisy RidleyTring Park School for the Performing ArtsJedi
Damian GrammaticasOundle SchoolJournalist
Damien LewisEtonActor
Damon HillHaberdashers' Boys' SchoolFormer Racing Driver
Dan HouserSt Paul's School, LondonVice-President of Rockstar Games
Dan MazerHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Screenwriter and Director
Dan PoulterVinehall SchoolTory MP
Dan StevensTonbridgeActor
Daniel BarnettHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'LBC Presenter
Daniel Day-LewisSevenoaks SchoolActor
Daniel FinkelsteinUniversity College SchoolFormer executive editor of The Times
Daniel HannanMarlborough CollegeBrexit Wanker
Daniel IngsDauntsey's SchoolActor
Daniel KawczynskiSt George's CollegeTory MP, Brexit Wanker
Daniel MaysItalia Conti Academy of Theatre ArtsActor
Daniel RadcliffeCity of London SchoolHarry Potter
Daniel SandfordMagdalen College SchoolBBC News Home Affairs Correspondent
Daniel SnowSt Paul's School, LondonTV Presenter
Danny KrugerEtonTory MP
Darius GuppyEtonLowlife, criminal friend of Boris Johnson
Darren HenryRushmoor SchoolTory MP
David BaddielHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Comedian, Author
David Broome CBEMonmouth School for BoysShowjumper
David CameronEtonForeign Secretary (Unelected), Former PM, Former Tory MP
David Campbell BannermanBryanston SchoolBrexit Wanker
David DimblebyCharterhouseTV Presenter
David EadesKent CollegeFormer BBC News Presenter
David FoxtonGlasgow AcademyHigh Court Judge
David FrostNottingham High SchoolUnelected Bureaucrat
David GilmourThe Perse SchoolMusician
David GowerThe King's School, CanterburyCricket Commentator, Former Cricketer
David HaigRugbyActor, Writer
David IrvingBrentwood School, EssexWriter and Holocaust Denier
David MitchellAbingdonTV Presenter
David PannickBancroft's SchoolBarrister
David RossUppingham SchoolEntrepreneur, Co-founder of Carphone Warehouse, Johnson Sugardaddy
David RyallShoreham Grammar SchoolActor
David SainsburyEtonSainsbury's Heir, Former Labour Peer
David ShukmanEtonFormer Science Editor, BBC News
David SuchetWellington School, SomersetActor
David WaksmanRoyal Grammar SchoolHigh Court Judge
David WalliamsReigate Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
David WillettsKing Edward's School, BirminghamFormer Tory MP
Davina McCallGodolphin and Latymer SchoolTV Presenter
Dawn FrenchSt Dunstan's Abbey School for GirlsComedian
Deborah TurnessSt Francis' CollegeCEO of BBC News
Denise van OutenSylvia Young Theatre SchoolActor, TV Presenter
Denise WelchLa Sagesse SchoolActor
Derren BrownWhitgift SchoolIllusionist
Desmond SwayneBedford SchoolTory MP, Lunatic
Dido HardingLeweston SchoolTrack and Trace Disaster Capitalist
Digby "Pudding" JonesBromsgrove SchoolTory MP
Dom JolyHaileybury CollegeComedian
Dominic CummingsDurhamFormer Government Advisor
Dominic GrieveWestminster SchoolFormer Attorney-General/Tory MP
Dominic KeatingUppinghamian SchoolActor
Dominic WestEtonActor
Dorothy KingMalvern St James Girls' SchoolAuthor, Defender of British Imperial Plunder
Doug NaylorChetham's School of MusicWriter of Red Dwarf
Douglas Adams (RIP)Brentwood SchoolAuthor
Douglas CarswellCharterhouseBrexshitter
Douglas MurrayEtonNat C Conference Speaker, Apologist for The Nazis
Duncan BakerGreshamsTory MP
Ed BallsNottingham High SchoolFormer Labour MP
Ed ChinaKing Edward's School, WitleyTV Presenter
Ed DaveyYarn SchoolLib Dem Leader
Ed GambleKing's CollegeComedian
Ed O'BrienAbingdon SchoolMember of Radiohead
Ed SheeranBrandeston Hall Preparatory SchoolSinger Songwriter
Ed WinfieldMill Hill School55 Tufton Street Scum
Eddie GeorgeDulwich CollegeFormer Governor of the Bank of England
Eddie IzzardEastbourne CollegeComedian and Marathon Runner
Eddie RedmayneEtonActor
Edward FoxHarrowActor
Edward LeighThe Oratory SchoolTory MP
Edward PepperallQueen Elizabeth's HospitalHigh Court Judge
Edward Tudor-PoleKing Edward's School, WitleyMusician and Actor
Edwin JohnsonLancing CollegeHigh Court Judge
Eleanor Worthington CoxMerchant Taylors' Girls' SchoolActor
Elize du ToitWellington CollegeActor
Ellie BamberWellington CollegeActor
Ellie MiddletonGiggleswick SchoolAuthor
Ellie RobinsonNorthampton High SchoolParalympian and Author
Emerald FennellMarlborough CollegeFilmmaker
Emilia ClarkeRye St Antony SchoolActor
Emily BluntIbstock Place SchoolActor
Emily EavisWells Cathedral SchoolCo-Organiser of the Glastonbury Festival
Emily SheffieldMarlborough CollegeJournalist, Sister of Samantha Cameron (q.v.)
Emma ArbuthnotFrench LycéeHigh Court Judge
Emma BarnettManchester High School for GirlsJournalist
Emma CorrinWoldingham SchoolActor
Emma MannersEllerslie School, MalvernDuchess of Rutland
Emma WatkinsonMerchant Taylors' Girls' SchoolEntrepreneur
Esmé WrenPortsmouth GrammarEditor (Newsnight)
Ester McVeyBelvedere SchoolTory MP, Former Minister of State for Housing and Planning
Fabian HamiltonBrentwood SchoolLabour MP
Faisal IslamManchester Grammar SchoolJournalist
Femi OluwoleYarn SchoolPolitical Commentator
Ferdinand MountEtonJournalist
Finn HarriesHarrodian SchoolYouTuber
FKA TwigsSt Edward's, CheltenhamSinger Songwriter
Flick DrummondRoedean SchoolTory MP
Florence PughOxford High SchoolActor
Florence WelchAlleyn's SchoolVocalist and Songwriter of Florence and the Machine
Fran UnsworthSt Dominic's High SchoolDirector of News BBC
Frances JuddThe King's SchoolHigh Court Judge
Frances OsborneMarlborough CollegeEx-wife of Former Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne (q.v.)
Francis MaudeAbingdon SchoolTory Lord/Former MP
Frank GardnerMarlborough CollegeJournalist
Frank LampardBrentwoodEverton Manager
Frank TurnerEtonMusician
Fraser NelsonDollar AcademyTory Presstitute
Fred AgainMarlborough CollegeRecord Producer, Singer Songwriter
Freddie Mercury (RIP)St. Peter's School, BombayMusician
Frederick ForsythTonbridge SchoolAuthor
Frederick WindsorEtonSome Toff
Gaby RoslinKing Alfred'sTV Presenter
Garry BushellColfe's_SchoolJournalist and Musician
Garry GibbonThe John Lyon SchoolJournalist
Geordie GreigEtonEditor (Former Mail on Sunday)
George Alagiah (RIP)St John's CollegeBBC News Presenter
George EusticeTruro Cathedral SchoolTory MP
George FreemanRadley CollegeTory MP
George MackayThe Harrodian SchoolActor
George MonboitStowe SchoolGuardian Environment Correspondent
George NashWinchester CollegeOlympic Rower
George OsborneSt Paul's School, LondonFormer Chancellor of the Exchequer
George RussellWisbech Grammar SchoolF1 Driver
Geraldine JamesDowne House SchoolActor
Ghislaine MaxwellMarlborough CollegeConvicted Child Rape Trafficker
Gideon RachmanSt Paul's School, LondonJournalist
Giles CorenWestminster SchoolTV Presenter
Giles DilnotSt. John's SchoolThink Tank Scum
Giles WatlingForest SchoolTory MP
Gillon Aitken (RIP)CharterhouseLiterary Agent
Gina MillerMoira SchoolAnti-Brexit Campaigner
Giovanna FletcherSylvia Young Theatre SchoolTV Presenter
Gordon MarsdenStockport Grammar SchoolFormer Labour MP
Grace BlakeleyLord Wandsworth College"Commentator"
Graeme GardenRepton SchoolWriter / Performer
Graham NortonBandon Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
Graham StuartGlenalmond CollegeTory MP, Minister of State for Energy Security and Net Zero
Grant NicholasMonmouth School for BoysGuitarist and Singer, Feeder
Griff Rhys JonesBrentwood SchoolComedian
Guy LaurenceKing's School, MacclesfieldCEO of Chelsea Football Club
Guy RichieStanbridge Earls SchoolFilm Director
Guy RyderKing's School, MacclesfieldDirector-General of the International Labour Organization
Guy SinerWellington CollegeActor
Gyles BrandrethBedalesTV Presenter
Hal CruttendenSt Paul's School, LondonActor and Comedian
Hallam AmosMonmouth School for BoysRugby Player
Harriet HarmanSt Paul's Girls' SchoolLabour MP
Harriett BaldwinMarlborough CollegeTory MP
Harry ColeTonbridge SchoolToxic Slug
Harry Hadden-PatonEtonActor
Harry JuddUppingham SchoolMusician
Harry LloydEtonActor
Harry MountWestminsterRandom Toff, Writer for the Spectator, Boris Johnson Crony, Member of "Independent" House of Lords Appointments Committee
Heather StanningGordonstounOlympian (Rowing)
Heidi AllenWakefield Girls' High SchoolFormer Tory MP, Change MP & Lib Dem MP
Helen GloverMillfield SchoolOlympian (Rowing)
Helen MartenKing's School, MacclesfieldTurner Prize Winning Artist
Helen WhatelyWestminster SchoolCon MP
Helena Bonham CarterSouth Hampstead High SchoolActor
Henrietta HillGateways SchoolHigh Court Judge
Henry BlofeldEtonRadio Presenter
Henry CavillStowe SchoolActor
Henry ColeEtonTV Presenter
Henry DimblebyEtonWriter, Non-executive board member of the Department for Environment
Henry PorterWellington CollegeJournalist, Author
Henry StauntonIpswich SchoolFormer Post Office Chair
Heston BlumenthalLatymer Upper SchoolTV Chef
Hilary JonesLatymer Upper SchoolGMTV In-house Doctor
Holly ValanceStar of the Sea College, MelbourneActor, Singer, Goose Stepping Moron, Wife of Nick Candy (q.v.)
Holly WilloughbyBurgess Hill GirlsTV Presenter
Howard DaviesManchester Grammar SchoolChair, NatWest Group
Hudson RoeAbbotsholme School55 Tufton Street Scum
Hugh BonnevilleSherborne SchoolActor
Hugh DancyWinchester CollegeActor
Hugh DennisUniversity College SchoolActor
Hugh Fearnley-WhittingstallEtonTV Presenter
Hugh GrantWetherby SchoolActor
Hugh GrundySt. Albans SchoolMusician, Founder Member of The Zombies
Hugh LaurieEtonActor
Hugh PymMarlborough CollegeJournalist
Hugo TaylorHarrowReality TV Star
Hugo WeavingQueen Elizabeth's Hospital, BristolFilm and Stage Actor
Humphrey CarpenterMarlborough CollegeBiographer
Humphrey KerEtonActor
Humza YousafHutchesons' Grammar SchoolFirst Minister of Scotland
Huw WatersMonmouth School for BoysCricketer
Iain GlenEdinburgh AcademyActor
Iain MorrisHampton SchoolWriter, Co-Creator of The Inbetweeners
Iain StewartHutchesons' Grammar SchoolTory MP
Ian Curtis (RIP)King's School, MacclesfieldLead Singer, Joy Division
Ian DuntPilgrims Preparatory School for BoysAnti-Brexit Journalist
Ian HislopArdingly CollegeEditor, Private Eye
Ian La FrenaisDame Allan's SchoolComedy Writer
Ian MaxwellMarlborough CollegeFormer Publisher, Brother of Ghislaine Maxwell (q.v.)
Ian McKellenBolton SchoolActor
Ian OgilvyEtonActor
Ian PayneRadley CollegeLBC Presenter
Imogen PootsLatymer Upper SchoolActor
Imogen StubbsWestminster SchoolActor
Imran Ahmad KhanSilcoates SchoolFormer Tory MP, Convicted Sex Offender
Isabel HardmanSt Catherine's School, BramleyAssistant Editor of The Spectator
Isabel OakeshottGordonstounTory Presstitute
Ivo GrahamEtonComedian (apparently)
Jack DeeFrensham Heights SchoolComedian
Jack HarriesThe Harrodian SchoolActor
Jack StrawBrentwood School, EssexLabour Politician
Jack WhitehallMarlborough College"Comedian"
Jacob ElordiSt Joseph's College, NudgeeActor
Jacob Rees-MoggEtonTory MP, Brexit Wanker, Idiot's Idea of a Clever Person
Jake BerryLiverpool CollegeTory MP
James ArbuthnotEtonFormer Tory MP, Lord
James Bethell, 5th Baron BethellHarrowHereditary Peer, Born Millionaire, Failer of A-Levels But Did Okay
James BluntHarrowSinger Songwriter
James CallisHarrowActor
James CleverlyColfe's SchoolTory MP, Home Secretary
James ColthurstEtonAristocrat, Radiologist and Friend of Princess Diana
James CracknellKingston Grammar SchoolBoat Wanker
James DelingpoleMalvern CollegeFar Right Presstitute, Climate Change Denier
James DreyfusHarrowActor
James DysonGresham's SchoolEntrepreneur
James ForsythWinchester CollegeJournalist, Political Editor of Spectator
James FoxHarrowActor
James GossCharterhouse SchoolHigh Court Judge
James HaskellWellington CollegeRugby Player
James HeappeyQueen Elizabeth's HospitalTory MP, Minister of State for the Armed Forces
James LandaleEtonBBC's Diplomatic Correspondent
James MatesMarlborough CollegeJournalist
James MaxSt Paul's School, LondonTalk Radio Presenter
James MellorUnknownHigh Court Judge
James MorrisNottingham High SchoolTory MP
James MurrayUnknownLabour MP
James O'BrienAmpleforthLBC Presenter
James O'ShaughnessyWellington CollegeTory Peer
James SchneiderWinchester CollegeCorbyn Crony, Co-Founder of Momentum
James WoodEtonLiterary Critic
Jamie BamberSt Paul's School, LondonActor
Jamie Campbell BowerBedalesActor
Jamie CullenGrittleton House SchoolSinger Songwriter
Jamie GibsonMarlborough CollegeRugby Union Player
Jamie LaingRadley CollegeTV and Radio Presenter
Jan Morris (RIP)Lancing CollegeHistorian
Jane GarveyMerchant Taylors' Girls' SchoolBBC Radio Presenter
Jason IsaacsHaberdashers' Boys' SchoolActor
Jay Kay (Jamiroquai)Oakham SchoolSinger Songwriter
Jay RaynerHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Journalist
Jemima GoldsmithFrancis Holland Girls SchoolScreenwriter, Producer
Jemma ForteSurbiton High SchoolTV Presenter
Jenna ColemanArnold SchoolActor
Jennie FormbyBath High School for GirlsCorbyn Crony, Former NEC Leader
Jennifer SaundersSt Paul's Girls' SchoolComedian
Jenny AgutterElmhurst Ballet SchoolActor
Jenny SeagroveQueen_Anne's SchoolActor
Jeremy BrowneBedalesLib Dem MP
Jeremy ClarksonReptonTV Presenter
Jeremy CorbynCastle House Prep SchoolFormer Labour Leader
Jeremy DysonGrammar School at LeedsComedian, Screenwriter
Jeremy Heywood (RIP)Bootham SchoolFormer Head of the Home Civil Service
Jeremy HoskingRugbyPatron / Donor / Sugardaddy for the Likes of Farage, Tice, Looza Fox, Bridgen & Truss
Jeremy HuntCharterhouseChancellor of the Exchequer
Jeremy IronsSherborne SchoolActor
Jeremy KyleReading Blue Coat SchoolFormer Peddler of ITV Poverty Porn
Jeremy PaxmanMalvern CollegeTV Presenter
Jeremy QuinSt Albans School, HertfordshireTory MP, Minister of State in the Home Office
Jeremy VineEpsom CollegeTV Presenter
Jerome MayhewTonbridge SchoolTory MP
Jerry KydKing's School, MacclesfieldFleet Commander of the Royal Navy
Jesse NormanEtonTory MP, Minister of State for Decarbonisation and Technology
Jim BroadbentLeighton Park SchoolActor
Jim Field SmithWellington CollegeDirector
Jim RosenthalMagdalen College School, OxfordRadio/TV Presenter
Jo CoburnNorth London Collegiate SchoolTV Presenter of Politics Live
Jo JohnsonEtonThe Lord Johnson of Marylebone
Joanna LumleySt Mary's Convent School on the RidgeActor, TV Presenter
Joanna PickeringLa Sagesse SchoolActor, Playwright
Joanna SmithKing's School, ElyHigh Court Judge
Joe CornishWestminster SchoolComedian, Screenwriter
Joe RootWorksop CollegeCricketer
Joe Strummer (RIP)City of London Freemen's SchoolSinger, The Clash
Johanna CuttsSt Helen and St Katherine SchoolHigh Court Judge
John AdyeLeighton Park SchoolFormer Director of GCHQ
John BaronQueen's College, TauntonTory MP
John CavanaghWarwick SchoolHigh Court Judge
John CleeseClifton CollegeComedian
John DickieLoughborough Grammar SchoolHistorian
John GlenKing Edward's School, BathTory MP, Paymaster General
John LloydThe King's School, CanterburyTV/Radio Comedy Writer and Producer
John MappinWinchester CollegeConspiracy Theorist, Qanon Loon
John McDonnellSt Joseph's College, IpswichCorbyn Crony, Labour MP
John NicolsonHutchesons' Grammar SchoolSNP MP
John Peel (RIP)Shrewsbury SchoolRadio DJ
John PenroseIpswich SchoolTory MP, Former Anti-Corruption Champion, Husband of Dido Harding (qv)
John PughMerchant Taylors' Boys' School, CrosbyFormer Liberal Democrat MP
John RedwoodKent College Senior SchoolTory MP
John RentoulWolverhampton Grammar SchoolJournalist
John RyleyEastbourne CollegeFormer Head of Sky News
John SergeantMillfield SchoolTV Presenter
John SimpsonSt Paul's School, LondonJournalist
John StandingEtonActor
John SuchetUppingham SchoolTV Presenter
John WhittingdaleWinchester CollegeTory MP, Conservative Friend of Russia
John WitherowBedford SchoolNewspaper Editor (Times)
Johnny MercerEastbourne CollegeTory MP, Minister of State for Veterans' Affairs, Minge
Johnny VaughanUppingham SchoolTV Presenter
Jon CraigKing's School, MacclesfieldChief Political Correspondent of Sky News
Jon LansmanHighgateCorbyn Crony, Co-Founder of Momentum
Jon MoynihanRatcliffe CollegeLiz Truss’s main fundraiser
Jon SnowSt Edward's School, OxfordC4 News Host
Jonathan BaileyMagdalen College SchoolActor
Jonathan BartleyDulwich CollegeFormer Green Party Co-Leader
Jonathan CoeKing Edward's School, BirminghamAuthor
Jonathan DenningMonmouth School for BoysFirst-Class Cricketer
Jonathan GullisPrincethorpe CollegeScreaming Monkey Clown Car
Jonathan Harmsworth, 4th Viscount RothermereGordonstoun SchoolOwner of The Daily Hate
Jonathan KingCharterhouseMusic Producer, Sex Offender
Jonathan MarlandShrewsbury SchoolChairman of the Commonwealth Enterprise and Investment Council
Jonathan MeadesSalisbury Cathedral SchoolWriter and TV Film-Maker
Jonathan MichieUnited World College of the AtlanticEconomist
Jonathan PearceQueen Elizabeth's Hospital, BristolFootball Commentator
Jonathan WhitakerBlundell's SchoolDeputy Editor, BBC News
Joseph FiennesLeehurst Swan SchoolActor
Josh O'ConnorSt Edward's, CheltenhamActor
Joss WhedonWinchester CollegeScreenwriter, film director
Joy MorrisseyWorthington Christian High SchoolTory MP
Jude LawAlleyn's SchoolActor
Judi DenchThe Mount SchoolActor
Julia DiasPerse School for GirlsHigh Court Judge
Julia PattersonUnknownAuthor, "Critical"
Julia SawalhaTheatre Arts SchoolActor
Julian GloverBristol Grammar SchoolActor
Julian GooseBirkdale SchoolHigh Court Judge
Julian LennonRuthin SchoolMusician, Photographer, and Philanthropist
Julian OvendenEtonActor
Julian SandsLord Wandsworth CollegeActor
Julian SmithMillfield SchoolFormer Chief Whip
Juno TempleBedalesActor
Justin WebbSidcot SchoolTransphobe
Justin WelbyEtonArchbishop of Canterbury
Kami ThompsonBedalesSinger, Songwriter
Karl McCartneyBirkenhead SchoolTory MP
Kate AndrewsGreens Farms Academy (USA)Economics Editor, The Spectator
Kate BeckinsaleGodolphin and LatymerActor
Kate BinghamSt Paul's Girls' SchoolChair, UK Government's Vaccine Taskforce
Kate HumbleAbbey SchoolTV Presenter
Kate WinsletRedroofs Theatre SchoolActor
Katherine CopelandYarm SchoolOlympian (Rowing)
Katie HopkinsStella Maris Convent schoolCelebrity Racist
Katie RazzallWestminster SchoolJournalist (Newsnight)
Katya AdlerSouth Hampstead High SchoolBBC News Europe Correspondent
Kaye AdamsSt George's School, EdinburghPresenter, Terrible Dancer
Kedar Williams-StirlingBarbara Speake Stage SchoolActor
Keeley HawesSylvia Young Theatre SchoolActor
Keir StarmerReigate Grammar School (became private while he was there)Leader of the Opposition
Keith AllenBrentwood School, EssexComedian, Actor, Singer and Writer
Keith JarrettMonmouth School for BoysRugby Player
Kelly CatesMerchant Taylors' Girls' SchoolTV and Radio Presenter
Kelvin MacKenzieAlleyn's SchoolWorld's Biggest C*nt
Kemi BadenochInternational School University of LagosTory MP, Secretary of State for Business and Trade
Ken BruceHutchesons' Grammar SchoolRadio 2 Presenter
Ken StottGeorge Heriot's SchoolActor
Kenneth BakerHampton SchoolTory Lord/Former MP
Kenneth ClarkeNottingham High SchoolFormer Tory Chancellor
Kevin MaxwellMarlborough CollegeFormer Publisher, Brother of Ghislaine Maxwell (q.v.)
King Charles IIIGordonstounKing
Kirstie AllsoppBedalesTV Presenter
Kirsty GallacherSt George's SchoolTV Presenter
Kirsty WarkWellington School, AyrJournalist (Newsnight)
Kit MalthouseLiverpool CollegeTory MP
Kit YoungAbingdonActor
Konstantin KisinClifton CollegeRandom Wankpuffin
Koo StarkGlendower Preparatory SchoolActor
Krishnan Guru-MurthyQueen Elizabeth's Grammar SchoolLead Presenter, Channel 4 News
Kwasi KwartengEtonFormer Chancellor of the Exchequer (The Worst Ever)
Kyle TudgeMonmouth School for BoysCricketer
Lady Louise Mountbatten-WindsorSt. George's School, WindsorDaughter of The Duke of Edinburgh and Granddaughter of Queen Elizabeth II
Lance FormanHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Brexit Wanker
Lando NorrisMillfield SchoolF1 Driver
Lara Lettice JohnsonBedalesDaughter of Boris Johnson
Lara WildenbergEpsom CollegeTimes journalist
Larry ElliottSt AlbansBrexit-Loving Economics Editor, Guardian
Laura GallacherSt George's SchoolAuthor, Wife of Alleged Sexual Predator Russell Brand (q.v.)
Laura KuenssbergLaurel BankBBC Political Editor
Laura LopesSt Mary's ShaftesburyArt Curator
Laura MarlingLeighton Park SchoolSinger Songwriter
Laura TomlinsonSt Marys CalneOlympian (Equestrian)
Laurence FoxHarrowFormer Husband of Billie Piper (q.v.), Massive Racist (Official)
Laurence Llewelyn-BowenAlleyn's SchoolTV Presenter and Architect
Laurie MagnusEtonIndependent Adviser on Ministers' Interests
Layla MoranRoedean SchoolLib Dem MP
Layton WilliamsSylvia Young Theatre SchoolActor
Lewis OlivaMonmouth School for BoysTeam GB Cyclist
Lily AllenBedalesSinger Songwriter
Lily JamesTring Park School for the Performing ArtsActor
Louis TherouxWestminster SchoolTV Presenter
Louise MenschWoldingham SchoolFormer Tory MP
Louise MinchinSt Mary's School, AscotTV Presenter
Louise ThompsonDowne House SchoolReality TV Star
Luciana BergerHaberdashers' School for GirlsFormer Labour MP
Lucy PunchGodolphin and Latymer SchoolActor
Lucy WorsleyAbbey SchoolTV Presenter
Luke NarrawayKing's School, WorcesterRugby Player
Malcolm RifkindGeorge Watson's CollegeFormer Tory MP, Conservative Friend of Russia
Malcolm SinclairMarlborough CollegeFormer Tory MP, Tory Peer
Marcus BrigstockeKing's School, BrutonComedian
Marcus FyshWinchester CollegeTory MP, Brexit Wanker
Marcus MumfordKing's CollegeSinger, Mumford & Sons
Marianna SpringSutton High School, LondonBBC Disinformation Correspondent
Marianne FaithfullSt Joseph's College, ReadingSinger
Marina HydeDowne House SchoolGuardian Columnist
Marina WheelerBedalesBoris Johnson's 2nd Wife
Mark DolanUniversity College SchoolPresenter
Mark Featherstone-WittyWellington CollegeCo-founder of LIPA and the BRIT School
Mark GoodierGeorge Heriot's SchoolDJ
Mark KermodeHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Film Critic
Mark RadcliffeBolton SchoolRadio Broadcaster
Mark RecklessMarlborough CollegeFormer Tory MP, Brexshitter, Bad Egg Man
Mark RylanceUniversity School of MilwaukeeActor
Mark ThompsonStonyhurst CollegeFormer Director-General of the BBC
Mark TullyMarlborough CollegeBBC India Correspondent
Mark UrbanRokeby Preparatory SchoolTV Presenter
Mark WallaceRoyal Grammar School, NewcastleChief Executive of ConservativeHome
Mark WatsonBristol Grammar SchoolComedian
Martha FiennesSt Mary’s ShaftesburyDirector, Writer and Producer
Martha KearneyGeorge Watson's Ladies CollegePosh BBC4 bee lady
Martha Lane FoxOxford High SchoolEntrepreneur
Martin ChamberlainStewart's Melville CollegeHigh Court Judge
Martin FletcherUppingham SchoolJournalist
Martin GriffithsCity of London SchoolHigh Court Judge
Martin JarvisWhitgift SchoolActor
Martin LewisKing's School, ChesterJournalist, Money Saving Expert
Martin Reynolds "Party Marty"Magdalen College SchoolPrincipal Private Secretary to Boris Johnson
Martin TylerRoyal Grammar School, GuildfordFootball Commentator
Mary StaceyThe King's SchoolHigh Court Judge
Maryam MoshiriStreatham and Clapham HighBBC News Presenter
Matt AllwrightReading Blue Coat SchoolTV Presenter
Matt FreiWestminster SchoolLBC Presenter
Matt HancockKing's School, ChesterTory MP
Matt LucasHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Comedian
Matt RidleyEtonFormer Northern Rock Chair
Matt WarmanHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Tory MP
Matthew AmroliwalaKing's School, ElyBBC News Presenter
Matthew ElliottLeeds Grammar SchoolBrexit Wanker
Matthew GoodeExeterActor
Matthew MacfadyenOakham SchoolActor
Matthew ParrisWaterford Kamhlaba United World College of Southern AfricaTory Wanker
Matthew StadlenSt Paul's School, LondonLBC Presenter
Matthew WaterhouseShoreham Grammar SchoolActor
Matty HealyKing's School, MacclesfieldLead Singer, The 1975
Maura McGowanVirgo Fidelis Convent SchoolHigh Court Judge
Max EvansWellington CollegeRugby Player
Max HastingsCharterhouseJournalist
Mel GiedroycOxford High SchoolTV Presenter
Melanie DawesMalvern Girls' CollegeChief Executive of Ofcom
Melanie PhillipsPutney High SchoolJournalist
Mervyn KingWolverhampton Grammar SchoolFormer Governor of the Bank of England
Mhairi FraserBangkok Patana SchoolTory Candidate
Michael Ashcroft (Lord Ashcroft)Norwich SchoolFormer Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party
Michael Broadbent (RIP)Oundle SchoolWine Director of Christie's
Michael EavisWells Cathedral SchoolFounder of the Glastonbury Festival
Michael EllisWellingboroughTory MP, Attorney General
Michael FoaleThe King's School, CanterburyAstrophysicist and Former NASA Astronaut
Michael GoughDurhamActor
Michael GoveRobert Gordon's CollegeTory MP, Former Secretary of State
Michael GradeSt Dunstan's CollegeChairman of Ofcom
Michael GreenUniversity College SchoolHigh Court Judge
Michael HeseltineBromsgrove SchoolPolitician (also Shrewsbury School)
Michael JacksonKing's School, MacclesfieldFormer Channel 4 Chief Executive
Michael MacIntyreArnold House School"Comedian"
Michael PalinBirkdaleActor, TV Presenter
Michael SooleBerkhamsted SchoolHigh Court Judge
Michael SpencerWorth SchoolMassive Tory donor, rewarded with peerage
Michael TomlinsonHereford Cathedral SchoolTory MP, Minister of State for Illegal Migration
Michael Young (Desc.)Dartington HallFather of Toby Young, Phone Call Maker to Oxford To Get His Idiot Child into Brasenose
Michaela StrachanClaremont Fan Court SchoolTV Presenter
Mike DWalden SchoolBeastie Boy
Mike NewellSt. Albans SchoolFilm Director
Mike ParryThe King's SchoolProfessional Gammon
Mike RutherfordCharterhouseMusician
Miles JuppOakham SchoolComedian
Milo Arthur JohnsonWestminster SchoolBoris Johnson's Son
Milton JonesLatymer Upper SchoolComedian
Mimi WebbKent CollegeSinger Songwriter
Minnie DriverBedalesActor
Miranda HartDowne House SchoolActor
Mishal HusainCobham HallJournalist
Monty DomMalvern CollegeTV Presenter
Morgan LakeWellington CollegeOlympic Athlete
Morgana RobinsonBenenden SchoolComedian
Nadhim ZahawiKing's CollegeTory MP, Tax Dodger
Nadia SawalhaItalia Conti Academy of Theatre ArtsActor
Natalia TenaBedalesActor
Natalie BennettMethodist Ladies' CollegeFormer Green Party Co-Leader
Natalie DormerReading Blue Coat SchoolActor
Natalie EvansRockportLeader of the House of Lords
Nathalie EmmanuelSt Hilda's SchoolActor
Navendu MishraClifton CollegeLabour MP
Neil CoyleBedford SchoolLab MP
Neil FoxKingston Grammar SchoolDJ and TV Presenter
Neil GaimanWhitgift SchoolAuthor
Neil GarnhamIpswich SchoolHigh Court Judge
Niall FergusonThe Glasgow AcademyHistorian
Nicholas ColeridgeEtonManaging Director of Conde Nast UK
Nicholas FrancisRadley CollegeHigh Court Judge
Nicholas FrankauHarrowActor
Nicholas HilliardBradfield CollegeHigh Court Judge
Nicholas LavenderQueen Elizabeth Grammar SchoolHigh Court Judge
Nicholas SoamesEtonFormer Tory MP
Nicholas TrueNottingham High SchoolLord Privy Seal, and Leader of the House of Lords
Nick AbbotGeorge Heriot's SchoolLBC Presenter
Nick BolesWinchester CollegeTory MP, Former Minister of State for Skills
Nick CandyEpsom CollegeProperty Developer, Tory Party Donor, Husband of Holly Valance (q.v.)
Nick CarterWinchester CollegeFormer Chief of the Defence Staff
Nick CleggWestminster SchoolFormer Lib Dem Leader
Nick DrakeMarlborough CollegeSinger Songwriter
Nick FerrariEltham CollegeLBC Presenter
Nick GriffinWoodbridge SchoolFormer MEP and Leader of BNP
Nick HancockShrewsbury SchoolActor and TV Presenter
Nick HerbertHaileybury CollegeTory MP
Nick OwenShrewsbury SchoolTV Presenter
Nick RobinsonCheadle HulmeFormer BBC Political Editor
Nick SkeltonBablake SchoolOlympian (Equestrian)
Nickolas GraceKing's School, ChesterActor
Nicky CampbellEdinburgh AcademyTV Presenter
Nicola ThorpArnold SchoolBroadcaster, Columnist, Actor
Nigel BiggarMonkton Combe SchoolApologist for Empire, Denier of Genocide
Nigel FarageDulwich CollegeBollock-Faced Foghorn of Ignorance
Nigel Lawson (Deceased)Westminster SchoolFormer Tory MP, Brexshitter
Nigel PlanerWestminster SchoolComedian, Actor
Nigel PooleBradford Grammar SchoolHigh Court Judge
Nigella LawsonQueen's Gate SchoolTV Presenter, Chef
Noel EdmondsBrentwood School, EssexDisc Jockey and Broadcaster
Norman Cook (Fatboy Slim)Reigate Grammar SchoolMusician
Norman LamontLoretto SchoolFormer Tory Chancellor
Norris McWhirter (RIP)Marlborough CollegeFounder, Guinness World Records
Oli DugmoreUnknownPresenter, Politics Joe
Oliver BearmanKing Edward VI Grammar SchoolF1 Driver
Oliver HoltKing's School, MacclesfieldChief Sports Writer for the Daily Mirror
Oliver ProudlockEtonReality TV Star
Olivia ChaneyChetham's School of MusicFolk Singer
Olivia ColmanNorwich High School for GirlsActor
Olivia HallinanSt Catherine's School, TwickenhamActor
Olly RobbinsColfe's SchoolFormer Senior Civil Servant (Brexit Negotiator)
Oona ChaplinGordonstoun SchoolActor
Orlando BloomSt Edmund's School CanterburyActor
Otis ReadingMarlborough CollegePro-Hunting Cockwomble
Owen PatersonRadley CollegeDisgraced Former Tory MP, Brexit Wanker
Oz ClarkeThe King's School, CanterburyWine Writer, TV Presenter, Broadcaster
Pat SharpMerchant Taylors' School, NorthwoodRadio/TV Broadcaster
Patrick MinfordWinchester CollegeBrexit "Economist"
Patrick VallanceWoodford Green Preparatory SchoolPhysician, Scientist, and Clinical Pharmacologist
Patsy KensitSt Catherine's School, TwickenhamActor
Paul DacreUniversity College SchoolFormer Daily Mail Editor
Paul Darrow (RIP)Haberdashers' Boys' SchoolActor
Paul GoodmanCranleigh SchoolTory Peer
Paul MarshallMerchant Taylors' School, NorthwoodDisaster Capitalist
Paul MorleyStockport Grammar SchoolMusic Journalist
Paul ScullyBedford SchoolTory MP, Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Tech and the Digital Economy
Paula VennellsManchester High School for GirlsDisgraced Former CEO of Post Office
Pete TongKing's School, RochesterDJ
Peter AldousHarrowTory MP
Peter BottomleyWestminster SchoolTory MP, Father of the House
Peter BradshawHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Film Critic
Peter BrookeMarlborough CollegeFormer Tory MP
Peter Cushing (RIP)Shoreham Grammar SchoolActor
Peter FrankopanEtonHistorian
Peter GabrielCharterhouseMusician
Peter HitchensLeysChristopher's Annoying Little Brother
Peter HowittColfe's_SchoolActor, Film Writer and Director
Peter LilleyDulwich SchoolTory Lord/Former MP
Peter OborneSherborne SchoolJournalist
Peter Richard LaneWorcester Royal Grammar SchoolHigh Court Judge
Peter RothSt Paul's School, LondonHigh Court Judge
Peter SnowWellington CollegeTV Presenter
Peter WilsonMillfield SchoolOlympian (Shooting)
Petronella WyattSt Paul's Girls' SchoolFormer Johnson "Bit On The Side"
Phil OakeySolihull SchoolSinger and Songwriter
Phil SpencerUppingham SchoolTV Presenter
Philip GreenCarmel CollegeTax Avoider, Pension Fund Raider
Philip PullmanTaverham Hall SchoolAuthor
Phoebe DynevorCheadle HulmeActor
Phoebe Waller-BridgeSt Augustine's Priory, EalingWriter, Actor
Piers CorbynCastle House Prep SchoolCretin
Piers MorganUniversity College SchoolTV Presenter, Former Mirror Editor
Pippa MiddletonMarlborough CollegeSister of Catherine, Princess of Wales (q.v.)
Pixie GeldofAlleyn's SchoolModel and Singer
Polly ToynbeeBadminton SchoolGuardian columnist
Poppy DelevingneBedalesModel
Prince AndrewGordonstounSweaty Nonce
Prince EdwardGordonstounRoyal
Prince GeorgeLambrookHeir To The Throne
Prince HarryEtonRoyal
Prince LouisLambrookRoyal
Prince Philip (RIP)GordonstounFormer Prince Consort
Prince WilliamEtonHeir To The Throne
Princess AnneBenenden SchoolRoyal
Princess Beatrice of YorkSt_George's School, AscotRoyal
Princess CharlotteLambrookRoyal
Princess Eugenie of YorkMarlborough CollegeRoyal
Quentin LettsThe Elms SchoolColumnist for the Daily Heil
Rachel JohnsonSt Paul's Girls' SchoolLBC Presenter
Rachel RileyThorpe Hall SchoolTV Presenter
Rafael BehrCity of London SchoolGuardian Columnist
Ralf LittleBolton SchoolActor
Ralph FiennesNewtown SchoolActor
Ranulph FiennesEtonExplorer
Ranvir SinghKirkham Grammar SchoolPresenter, Good Morning Britain
Ray MearsReigate Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
Rebecca HallRoedean SchoolActor
Rebecca HarrisBedalesTory MP
Régine ChassagneCollège Jean-de-Brébeuf, QuebecSinger, Songwriter, Musician, Arcade Fire
Richard AyoadeSt Joseph's CollegeComedian
Richard Bacon (I)Worksop CollegeTV Presenter
Richard Bacon (II)King's School, WorcesterTory MP
Richard BeardRadley CollegeAuthor
Richard BransonStowe SchoolEntrepreneur
Richard ColesWellingborough SchoolWriter, Radio Presenter and Clergyman
Richard CurtisHarrowScreenwriter
Richard DawkinsOundle SchoolEvolutionary Biologist
Richard DraxHarrowTory MP
Richard HammondSolihull SchoolTV Presenter
Richard HopeOakham SchoolActor
Richard JacobsHighgate SchoolHigh Court Judge
Richard MooreSt George's CollegeHead of Mi6
Richard ParksMonmouth School for BoysRugby Player
Richard SharpMerchant Taylors' School, NorthwoodFormer BBC Chair (Disgraced)
Richard SpurrNottingham High SchoolLBC Presenter
Richard TiceUppingham SchoolBrexit Wanker
Richard Vernon (RIP)Leighton Park SchoolActor (Played Slartibartfast!)
Rick SteinUppinghamian SchoolChef/Restaurateur
Rik Mayall (RIP)King's School, WorcesterComedy Legend
Rishi SunakWinchester CollegeTory MP, Current Prime Minister
Roald Dahl (RIP)St Peter's, Weston-super-MareAuthor
Robbie Coltrane (RIP)Glenalmond CollegeActor and Comedian (NB he hated private schools)
Robert BucklandSt Michael's School, LlanelliTory MP, Secretary of State for Wales
Robert ColvileEtonBrexshitter
Robert HalfonHighgate SchoolTory MP
Robert HildyardEtonHigh Court Judge
Robert JayKing's College SchoolHigh Court Judge
Robert JenrickWolverhampton Grammar SchoolTory MP, Minister of State for Immigration
Robert LaurensonSevenoaks SchoolCo-chair UK JDC at the BMA
Robert PattinsonThe Harrodian SchoolActor
Robert Peel (judge)UnknownHigh Court Judge
Robert Sackville-WestWinchester CollegePublisher
Robert SwanSedbergh SchoolExplorer
Robert WattsMarlborough CollegeFilm Producer
Robert WinstonSt Paul's School, LondonScientist, TV Presenter, Labour Peer
Robin AskwithMerchant Taylors' School, NorthwoodActor, Writer
Robin JanvrinMarlborough CollegeFormer Private Secretary to Queen Elizabeth II
Robin WalkerSt Paul's School, LondonTory MP
Robin Williams MBEMonmouth School for BoysRower and Coach
Rocco ForteDownside SchoolHotelier
Rod ArgentSt. Albans SchoolMusician, Founder Member of The Zombies
Roger TaylorTruro SchoolMusician
Roland RuddMillfield SchoolSaboteur, People's Vote
Romesh RanganathanReigate Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
Rory BremnerWellington CollegeImpressionist, Comedian
Rory Cellan-JonesDulwich CollegeNews Presenter
Rory KinnearSt Paul's School, LondonActor
Rory SutherlandMonmouth School for BoysAdvertising Executive
Ros AtkinsTruro SchoolJournalist
Rosamund PikeBadminton SchoolActor
Rose DugdaleMiss Ironside's School for GirlsDebutant and IRA Bomb Maker
Rose LeslieMillfield SchoolActor
Ross McWhirter (RIP)Marlborough CollegeFounder, Guinness World Records
Rowan AtkinsonChorister SchoolActor, Comedian
Rowena Collins RiceWestbourne SchoolHigh Court Judge
Rupert AllasonDownside SchoolConniving Little Shit
Rupert SoamesEtonCEO, Serco
Russell BrandItalia Conti AcademyCelebrity Sexual Predator (Allegedly)
Ruth WilsonNotre Dame SchoolActor
Sacha Baron CohenHaberdashers' Aske's Boys'Comedian
Sally BercowMarlborough CollegeWife of Former Speaker John Bercow
Sally OldfieldSt Joseph's College, ReadingMusician
Sally PhillipsWycombe Abbey SchoolTV Presenter
Salman RushdieRugbyAuthor
Sam HouserSt Paul's School, LondonPresident of Rockstar Games
Sam MendesMagdalen College SchoolFilm and Stage Director
Samantha CameronMarlborough CollegeWife of Former PM David Cameron (q.v.)
Samir ShahLatymer Upper SchoolBBC Chair
Samira AhmedWimbledon High SchoolJournalist
Samuel WestAlleyn's SchoolActor
Sandi ToksvigTormead SchoolTV Presenter
Sara CockerillLady Eleanor Holles SchoolHigh Court Judge
Sarah BeanyLuckley House SchoolTV Presenter
Sarah MontagueBlanchelande CollegeJournalist
Sathnam SangheraWolverhampton Grammar SchoolJournalist, Author of "Empireland"
Sean FletcherFelsted SchoolTV Presenter
Sebastian FaulksWellington CollegeAuthor
Sebastian PayneDame Allan's SchoolRight Wing Hack, Think-Tank Numpty
Seumas MilneWinchester CollegeCorbyn Crony
Shabbir MeraliJohn Lyon SchoolSpecial Economic Advisor to Disgrace Former PM Liz Truss
Shane MacGowan (RIP)WestminsterMusician
Sherelle JacobsSt Paul's Girls' SchoolJournalist
Shirley ConranSt Paul's Girls' SchoolNovelist
Simon BaynesShrewsbury SchoolTory MP
Simon BirdRoyal Grammar School, GuildfordInbetweener
Simon BryanArnold SchoolHigh Court Judge
Simon CaseBristol Grammar SchoolHead of the Home Civil Service
Simon ClarkeRed House SchoolTory MP
Simon CowellDover CollegeTV Presenter
Simon FanshaweMarlborough CollegeWriter and Broadcaster, Transphobe
Simon HartRadley CollegeTory MP
Simon JackMerchant Taylors' Boys' School, CrosbyBBC Business Editor
Simon JenkinsMill Hill SchoolJournalist
Simon MayoSolihull SchoolRadio Presenter
Simon McCoySherborne SchoolGBeebies Bell-End
Simon Pegg (yes, really)The King's School, GloucesterComedy Legend
Simon SchamaHaberdashers' Aske's Boys' SchoolHistorian
Simon ThompsonManchester Grammar SchoolCEO of Royal Mail and misleader of Parliament
Simon WolfsonRadley CollegeBrexit Wanker, Tory Peer, Chief Executive of Next
Simon WoodroffeMarlborough CollegeYO! Sushi founder
Sonia SodhaUnknownGuardian Columnist, Transphobe
Sophie DahlBedalesModel, Author
Sophie HoskingKingston Grammar SchoolOlympian (Rowing)
Sophie HunterSt Paul's Girls' SchoolPlaywright
Sophie JarvisBrentwood SchoolAide To Disgraced Former PM Liz Truss
Sophie KinsellaSt Mary’s ShaftesburyAuthor
Sophie RaworthSt Paul's Girls' SchoolJournalist
Sophie TurnerKing's High School for GirlsActor
Sophie WinklemanCity of London School for GirlsActor
Soweto KinchBromsgrove SchoolMusician
Spencer MatthewsEtonReality TV Star
Stanley ChowKing's School, MacclesfieldArtist
Stanley JohnsonSherborne SchoolCelebrity Wife Beater
Stella RimingtonNottingham High School for GirlsFormer Head of MI5
Stella Tennant (RIP)Marlborough CollegeFashion Designer
Stephen BradleyMarlborough CollegeFormer British Consul-General to Hong Kong
Stephen CobbWinchester CollegeHigh Court Judge
Stephen ColeSolihull SchoolBroadcast Journalist and News Presenter
Stephen EyreSolihull SchoolHigh Court Judge
Stephen FryUppingham SchoolActor, TV Presenter
Stephen HammondKing Edward VI SchoolTory MP
Stephen ManganHaileybury and Imperial Service CollegeActor
Stephen Morris (I)Bradford Grammar SchoolHigh Court Judge
Stephen Morris (II)King's School, MacclesfieldDrummer, Joy Division & New Order
Stephen PoliakoffWestminster SchoolScreenwriter
Stephen YardleyBrentwood School, EssexActor
Steve BarclayKing Edward VII SchoolTory MP, Brexit Wanker, Covidiot, Enviroment Secretary
Steve JamesMonmouth School for BoysCricketer
Steve NieveSt Dunstan's CollegeMusician
Steve PuntWhitgift SchoolComedian
Stewart LeeSolihull SchoolComedian
Stig AbellLoughborough Grammar SchoolTV Presenter
Stuart RoseBootham SchoolAsda Chairman
Sue PerkinsCroham Hurst SchoolTV Presenter
Suella BravermanHeathfield SchoolTory MP, Former Home Secretary, professional ladder kicker, evil personified
Susan Williams, Baroness Williams of TraffordLa Sagesse SchoolCaptain of the Honourable Corps of Gentlemen-at-Arms (Lords Chief Whip)
Susanna ReidCroydon High SchoolTV Presenter
Susie DentThe Marist SchoolTV Presenter
Taki TheodoracopulosLawrenceville SchoolFar right writer and publisher, racist and attempted rapist
Talulah RileyCheltenham Ladies' CollegeActor
Tamara BeckwithCheltenham Ladies' CollegeSocialite
Tamsin OmondWestminster SchoolGreen Politician
Tanya ReynoldsOxford School of DramaActor
Tara Palmer-Tomkinson (RIP)Sherborne School for GirlsSocialite
Teddy Goldsmith (RIP)Millfield SchoolCo-Founder of the Green Party
Teddy ThompsonBedalesSinger, Songwriter
Tessa DahlDowne House SchoolFormer Actor
Thangam DebbonaireChetham's School of MusicShadow Leader of the House of Commons
Theo ClarkeDowne House SchoolTory MP
Theodore Apollo JohnsonWestminster SchoolBoris Johnson's Son
Theresa MaySt Juliana'sTory MP, Former PM
Theresa VilliersFrancis Holland SchoolTory MP
Thérèse CoffeySt Mary's College, CrosbyTory MP
Thom EvansWellington CollegeRugby Player
Thom YorkeAbingdon SchoolSinger Songwriter, Radiohead
Thomas DolbyAbingdon SchoolMusician and Producer
Thomas GalbraithWellington CollegeFormer Leader of the House of Lords
Tilda SwintonWest Heath Girls' SchoolActor
Tim Berners-LeeEmanuel SchoolInventor of the World Wide Web
Tim BoswellMarlborough CollegeTory MP
Tim Brooke-Taylor (RIP)Winchester SchoolComedian and Actor
Tim DavieWhitgift SchoolDirector General BBC
Tim HunkinSt Paul's School, LondonInventor
Tim MartinCampbell CollegeEntrepreneur
Tim RiceSt. Albans SchoolLyricist
Tim VineEpsom CollegeComedian
Tim WestwoodNorwich SchoolDJ, Alleged Sex Offender
Tim WillcoxTaunton SchoolFormer BBC News Presenter
Tim WilsonRadcliffe SchoolUkipper, Brexshitter
Timothy FancourtWhitgift SchoolHigh Court Judge
Timothy KerrWestminster SchoolHigh Court Judge
Timothy WestBristol Grammar SchoolActor
Toby JonesAbingdonActor
Toby SmithMarlborough CollegeKeyboardist, Jamiroquai
Toby WallaceCaulfield Grammar SchoolActor
Tom BradbySherborne SchoolJournalist
Tom DalyPlymouth CollegeOlympian
Tom FletcherSylvia Young Theatre SchoolSinger Songwriter
Tom HardyReed's SchoolActor
Tom HarwoodThe Perse SchoolTory Presstitute
Tom HeapOakham SchoolBBC News Rural Affairs Correspondent
Tom HiddlestonEtonActor
Tom HollanderAbingdonActor
Tom HuntKing's School, ElyTory MP, Covidiot
Tom JamesThe King's School, ChesterOlympian (Rowing)
Tom LucyMonmouth School for BoysRower
Tom MargerisonKing's School, MacclesfieldFounder of the New Scientist
Tom Newton DunnMarlborough CollegeTory Presstitute
Tom Parker BowlesEtonFood Critic
Tom PriceMonmouth School for BoysActor
Tom ScholarDulwich CollegeFormer Permanent Secretary to the Treasury
Tom SturridgeThe Harrodian SchoolActor
Tom SwarbrickAbingdonLBC Presenter
Tom TugendhatSt Paul's School, LondonTory MP, Minister of State for Security
Tony BanksCharterhouseMusician
Tony BlairFettes CollegeFormer Labour PM
Tracey MacLeodIpswitch High SchoolJournalist
Tracey UllmanLicensed Victuallers' SchoolComedian
Trisha GoddardSir William Perkins's SchoolTV Presenter
Tristram HuntUniversity College SchoolFormer Labour MP, Director of the V&A
Vanessa FeltzHaberdashers' Aske's School for GirlsTV Presenter
Vanessa KirbyLady Eleanor Holles SchoolActor
Vicky Butler-HendersonPerse School for GirlsTV Presenter
Vicky FordSt Paul's Girls' SchoolTory MP
Victoria AtkinsArnold SchoolTory MP, Secretary of State for Health and Social Care
Victoria CorenSt Paul's Girls' SchoolBBC Presenter
Victoria DerbyshireBury Grammar School for GirlsTV Presenter
Victoria PrentisMalvern St James Girls' SchoolTory MP, Attorney General for England and Wales
Victoria SharpNorth London Collegiate SchoolHigh Court Judge
Wayne BarnesMonmouth School for BoysRugby Union Referee
Will ButlerPhillips Exeter Academy, New HampshireMusician & Composer, Formally of Arcade Fire
Will PoulterThe Harrodian SchoolActor
Will SelfUniversity College SchoolNovelist
Will TudorShrewsbury SchoolActor
Will YoungWellington CollegeSinger Songwriter
William DalrympleAmpleforthAuthor
William ShawcrossEtonCommissioner for Public Appointments
William SitwellEtonEditor
Win ButlerPhillips Exeter Academy, New HampshireLead Singer, Arcade Fire
Winston MarshallSt Paul's School, LondonBanjoist, Mumford & Sons
Yannis PhilippakisMagdalen College SchoolSinger, Foals
YungunEtonHip-hop Artist
Zac GoldsmithEtonFormer Tory MP, Disgraced Peer
Zack PolanskiStockport Grammar SchoolDeputy Leader, Green Party
Zoe WilliamsGodolphin and Latymer SchoolGuardian Columnist

Further Reading

List compiled by Graham Hughes and friends.
Let me know about any mistakes or omissions via Threads.